Super Sunday Series - Introverts, Extroverts and a BIG Announcement!

My friend over at Hippie Mommie did an excellent post about whether you're an introvert or extrovert.  Head over to her cute, fun and super peppy blog to read about it.  Then come back.  I'll still be here.  Really, I will. 

Ok, back?  Good.   

In learning about gifted children, understanding the concept of introversion and extroversion was key in our house.  We have two of each, so instead of beating my head against the wall with "the other two," I've learned to embrace their extovert-ism (is that a word?), which helps us all get along quite nicely around here. 

When we're all playing nicely, that is.  Sometimes I want to wrap up in my little introvert world and don't really feel like playing nicely, but that's a post for another day. 

Introverts vs. extroverts - it's a litttle like perfectionism - you think you know what it means, but not quite.  Being an introvert doesn't mean you love to be at home and being an extrovert doesn't mean you love being the life of a party, as hippie mommie just taught us. 



And . . . . big announcement!  Take a look at the SENG website. My first article at SENG.  I am thrilled, honored, and still wondering how in the world it happened.  But methinks me likes it! 

Super Sunday Series - Motivation

Welcome back to the Super Sunday Series - where I speak to all topics gifted and how they relate to your child's well-being.  Please click on the tab above if you want to discover more about the Series and its topics.


This week in the Series is MOTIVATION!  Motivation is complex and layered.  There are psychological components, sociological components, and family components to consider.

I've decided today to talk about nurturing motivation.  I think all parents have a fear (some hidden, some announced) that their child won't live up to their "potential."  My gifted bible, A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children, (which I haven't quoted in so long!) says this about it:

Fundamentally, it is difficult for children who are in the upper 3% to stay motivated in an educational system that focuses primarily on the other 97%.  The resulting discouragement is probably the main reason why most gifted children work at least two to four grade levels below their potential.  Pages 61-62.  

So what can parents do to help our gifted children stay motivated when practically everywhere they look they are being told to slow down in some form or another?

1. Try to be understanding, rather than demanding. 
2. Find the child's interests, build on that motivation, then work on redirecting it.  In our house, Oldest's interests change often.  Right now, it's Pokemon.  Previously, it's been Scooby Doo or the movie Cars.  I could teach an entire curriculum through her interests when she's in the thick of them.  Seriously.  She might be resistant to division, for example.  But I'll bet if I told her to add up all the Pokemon in one of her books then divide them equally between the three main characters, she would do it so fast (and accurately) my head would spin.  But if I said, "let's work on division!"  She might get herself grounded with the bellyaching she would do.  
3. Teach your child self-management skills.  Lucky for me, the Montessori philosophy does this quite well.  But learning the art of negotiation, priority setting, and time management are all essential life skills to acquire and they don't come about magically.    
4. Help your child focus on effort, not just outcome.  Sound familiar?  Perfectionism 101.  
5. Participate in activities together.  We do this a lot here.  I'll set Oldest up with something and I'll set myself up with something, then we'll work on our projects in the same room.  This will help your child see how you stay motivated and how you work through tough patches.

All tips come from A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children.

Finally, Parent's Guide astutely reminds parents to recognize that our own motivation ebbs and flows, sometimes more than once a day.  So wouldn't it be unfair to expect more motivation from our kids than we expect from ourselves?    

I hope this helps.  If you find something here you'd like to know more about, please let me know in a comment.  I'll be happy to dig a little deeper.  

What do you do in your house to foster motivation?  

Super Sunday Series - HOW to be your child's advocate

Welcome back to the Super Sunday Series - where I speak to all topics gifted and how they relate to your child's well-being.  Please click on the tab above if you want to discover more about the Series and its topics.


Last week I wrote to you about the importance of being your child's advocate.  I mentioned this in my talk last Saturday and someone asked this question (paraphrased):

"How do you have time to be an advocate when you have to spend so much time merely attending to your gifted child's needs?"

It was a great question, worthy of more than the answer I gave her on the spot.

Oldest's first teacher introduced us to the concept of being your child's best advocate.  I had no idea what she meant then.  Oldest was 2.5 years old, I wasn't yet cognizant of the difficulties her intensities were going to create for a classroom and its teacher, and frankly, like many first time moms, I assumed everything was going to be all sweetness and roses with her school experience.

I met with this teacher (who, not coincidentally, is now Youngest's first teacher) this week to talk with her a little more "how to be your child's advocate."  I saw the gleam in her eye, and she said, "Ooooooh, my favorite topic."  She's been teaching for 25 years, and people from all around our city know of her expertise with young children, her ability to give them a wonderful foundation for their school age years.

Here are her top 7 ways to do this:

1. Know your child.  Know both their strengths and weaknesses.  As the parent, you have the ability to make a more accurate assessment of who your child is than anyone else, if you pay attention.  What's important is to have an accurate picture of who your child is.  I see so many parents who act as if everything (good, bad and ugly) their child does is wonderful.  They can't/don't see where their child needs improvement.  Being realistic about who your child is makes #2 below so important.
2. Develop your own skills as referee and coach.  By coaching, she means to help your child maximize the skills they have.  By refereeing, she means to set the appropriate limits, expectations and have consequences for when those limits are crossed.  To her advice, I would add "research, research, research."  If your child is a perfectionist, learn about that.  If your child has overexcitabilities, learn about those.  If your child is reading 7th grade books in 2nd grade, learn about reading levels and what they mean.  Read books on parenting, become a "student" of how to be an effective parent.   Read about giftedness.  What does it really mean?  It might surprise you.  
3. Know your community resources.  There is work involved with this one - it takes some effort.  She strongly recommends you research all options available to your child to find the place that best fits your child's personality, coming to a decision by process of elimination.  
4. Recognize that no one system is going to provide everything your child needs.  From the gifted perspective, I think this is very important.  Gifted kids think differently, act differently, and almost always need "more" in their lives, as far as enrichment.  Finding activities that help your gifted child pursue their passion, outside of school, may go a long way at school.  And by saying gifted kids need "more," I am by no means saying they need more "work."  I believe they need enrichment that gives them more "thought," if that makes sense. 
5. Be the school and teacher's partner, not adversary.  Many of the suggestions here are important, but I find this one at the top of the list for us.  I look at my children's teachers as a partner in their eduction, not the person who does it while I sit around and do nothing.  I don't think in terms of, "the teacher has to do this for my child," but rather, "what can I do to help the teacher teach my child?"  And I didn't just wake up one day and say, "this is how I'm going to do it."  It's taken some real effort.
6. Celebrate the social differences your child has.  Instead of saying, "my child is a terrible perfectionist (which may be true)," you can frame it in the positive and say, "my child has a commitment to excellence."  Instead of, "my child will blurt out answers without waiting to be recognized," you can say, "my child is eager to share her love of knowledge with others."  
7. Find their tribe.  I've been seeing this around some places lately and I love it.  Your child's tribe might NOT be at school, it might be someplace else entirely.  And that's OK, as long as you teach him or her that it's OK.  

***One final note:  I've talked about this before, but one concrete way to advocate for your child is to have them tested.  When you have test results to rely on, rather than a parental opinion (that some people WILL assume is exaggerated), your advocacy gains credibility.  A word of caution, however:  be prepared for the results.  They might be lower than you thought, or you might learn your child has some other issue entirely.  Or the results might be so high that you have to rethink everything.  It's a leap of faith that you must be willing to come to terms with.  Plus it's expensive.


What do you think?  What ways do you advocate for your child that are different from the suggestions I've made, with the help of my 25 year teaching expert?  What do you see here that you agree or disagree with?  Share with us.  By sharing, we can learn more.  

The Think Positive Plan

In keeping with my ideas, tips and tricks for NOT YELLING AT THE KIDS, I have to share this article from the March issue of Family Fun magazine.

Written by Kristin Bock, it provides the final piece of the puzzle for two things I'm already doing.  I'm already writing a one-sentence gratitude journal each day (started in February) and we already name two "good things and two bad things" from each of our days.  The final piece?  Kristin suggests that after one reminder, start counting negative statements and expect an equal number of positive statements by day's end.

I LOVE THIS IDEA.  It is so proactive, one of Missy's Maxims!

I've posted yesterday and today about two areas that are a major source of yelling for me - Youngest waking up multiple times a night (and I don't yell at her THEN, it's the build up of fatigue and my annoyance with myself that "helps" me to yell later) and Oldest's insistence on negativity when she's upset about something.  It's classic perfectionism - and I get that.  Heck, I DO that sometimes.

But there is only so much freaking out berating oneself "negative reaction to an upsetting situation" before I handle it in the "extremely mature, adult-like response" of yelling, sometimes quite loudly.  And how does that solve the problem?  Modeling a negative reaction to negative behavior will only perpetuate the negative behavior, right?

Which is why I love this idea to put the ball in Oldest's court - be as negative as you want, just know I'm keeping count (after one warning) and then you have to reciprocate with positive statements.  Hmmm, I might even make her put them on paper and deposit them into our new Emotions Bank Account I learned about in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families.

Finally, I would be remiss if I didn't share with you this awesome tip from Veteran Kindergarten Teacher -

"One thing I try in my classroom is complete silence. I look at the children and don't say a word. That usually gets their attention. Then I talk quietly but firmly about what I am seeing and what needs to change."  


I'll let you know how these changes are working out this month.  Do you have any ideas to share? Anything that works especially well for you?  

Super Sunday Series - Friendship and Bullying

Welcome back to the Super Sunday Series - where I speak to all topics gifted and how they relate to your child's well-being.  Please click on the tab above if you want to discover more about the Series and its topics.

This week we conclude our exploration of Friendship, which has grown exponentially since it began in January.  Today is week 5 - Bullying.  Week 1 gave you resources to help, week 2 talked about where to find friends and week 3 talked about making friends.  We explored Developing Close Friendships in week 4.

I believe gifted children are particularly prone to bullying.  They don't fit the mold.  They often can't read social cues.  They have an advanced sense of justice that may lead other kids to dislike them.  Watching for bullying signs and equipping them with the tools to handle it is one of the most important things you can do to for your gifted child.

Michele Borba, in her book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, has a sentence under each topic called the "change to parent for."  With bullying, she says the change to parent for is "[y]our child learns to defend himself, feels safer and more confident, and is less likely to be targeted by a bully."  Page 323.

Barbara Coloroso wrote an excellent book called The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander.  Colorosa identifies three types of bullying:  verbal, physical and relational.  Page 15.

"Verbal bullying can take the form of name-calling, taunting, belittling, cruel criticism, personal defamation, racist slurs, and sexual remarks."  Page 16.

"Physical bullying is the most visible and therefore the most readily identifiable form of bullying," but accounts for less than 1/3 of incidents reported by children.  Page 16. 

Relational bullying is diffcult to detect, and "is the systematic diminishment of a bullied child's sense of self through ignoring, isolating, excluding, or shunning."  Page 17.   "Shunning. . . joined with rumor . . . is a forceful bullying tool [as] both are unseen and hard to detect."  Id.

If you suspect that your child is being bullied, Colorosa's book lists some Do's and Don'ts: (found on pages 132-134):

DO:

1. Express your support in words like "I am here for you," I believe in you," "you are not alone."
2. Assure your child it is not her fault.
3. Help him learn the things he can do.
4. Report it to a school personnel.

DON'T:

1. Minimize, rationalize or explain away the bully's behavior.
2. Rush to solve the problem.
3. Tell your child to avoid the bully.
4. Tell your child to fight back.
5. Confront the bully or bully's parents alone

Colorosa also lists antidotes to bullying:

1. Strong sense of self.
2. Being a friend.
3. Having at least one friend who is there for you.
4. Being able to successfully get into a group.

pg 137.

Of these antidotes, I've written about #2 and #3 with this friendship series.  With #1, you might find some ideas here at one of my Super Sunday posts.  My posts on perfectionism, for example, talk about internal dialogue and how that contributes to your sense of self.  #4 has an entire chapter devoted to it in Good Friends are Hard to Find.  Well worth the buy.

We have not seen bullying at our house - yet.  I think Oldest will be at high risk for certain bullying - especially relational.  She just doesn't have that social savvy some kids have (which I've talked about before as well).

Truthfully, friendship and its nuances could be its own blog and we could spend many more weeks discussing friendship difficulties.  But I'm ready to put it to bed for now, reserving the right to come back to it at a later date.  Unless YOU have a specific question or topic about friendship you'd like to see.  Let me know.

Disclaimer #1 - I have no agreements, sponsoships or income from any of the authors mentioned thus far in my series.  These are just great books, well worth the investment, that I want to share with you.

Disclaimer #2 - I've slept approximately 5 (broken) hours the last two nights.  This post is not my best work.  Sorry.  Sleep will return (it better) soon, as will the caliber of my Super Sunday Series.


So how about you?  I think it's no surprise that I'm a worrier when it comes to parenting.  Are you?  Do issues like bullying keep you up at night?  Have you had experience with it yet?  How did you handle it if so?




  

Happiness took a hit last week

Monday is Happiness Project Day - inspired by Gretchen Rubin, her book and website called the Happiness Project.  Not only do I recommend her book, but I love her blog as well.  Very inspiring.

As today's titles suggests, I hit some bumps, struggled  failed miserably for parts of last week.  There were a couple of days where I would literally snarl with rage over challenges I faced.  Challenges that were legitimately frustrating, but I'd handled similar situations in January just fine, so what gave out last week?  Examples include:

1. The Puppy's continued house training accidents.
2. Youngest not napping enough, or at all.
3. Youngest not eating or drinking to the point of "near dehydration."  Funny how fear can manifest as rage, isn't it?
4. Having a long, difficult decision making meeting, where some people left unhappy.
5. Oldest having to stay home from school sick on the first day I had to myself get "stuff" done.

So if these are issues I handled just fine last month, why did I give way to unhappiness last week?  The answer, in retrospect, is easy.  I put aside at least 4 of Missy's Maxims and allowed myself to get swept away by fear, resentment, frustration and fatigue.  I broke these:

1. Proactive, not reactive.
2. BE in the moment.
3. STAR - Stop, Think, Act Right.
4. Practice patience.

I can cut myself a little slack (remembering my maxim to strive for betterment, not perfection) and recognize that really sick kids are stressful, not getting anything accomplished in your life for almost a week is really stressful and the world continuing to operate regardless of your need to STOP for awhile is stressful as well.

For a few nights I went to bed saying, "Please let tomorrow be better."  Then it wasn't (worse actually) and I felt more and more helpless with my escalating reactions to life's general annoyances.  Until Wednesday night, when I went to bed saying, "Tomorrow WILL be better.  I am the one who can make it so."  And . . . it was.  Considerably.  

I learned a couple of things about myself this week, integral to my happiness for this project:

1. When I'm not accomplishing, I get increasingly frustrated and angry until I can "right" it.
2. Being proactive, rather than reactive, might be the single most important maxim on my list.  

One final note.  Some of you may (or may not!) be wondering how I "scored" in January's resolutions.  Out of 31 days:

1. Food diary and exercise - I kept the food diary 29/31 days and I averaged 5 days per week on exercising.  I lost 9 pounds.  Met that goal splendidly.  We were also supposed to eat in 4x/week and we did, which is a little boring, but does save money.
2. Skin care nightly - I did this 23/31 times.  Pretty good.
3. Putting the dishes in the dishwasher nightly - 28/31 times - score!
4. IBBE - In bed by eleven nightly - 20/31 times.  Definitely needs improvement - because I'm still tired!  For February I've moved the bedtime back to 10:45pm nightly.  Ugh.  

So that's January.  How did you do?   


And let me know - what do you do when you get off track - when you allow life to control you, rather than controlling your response to life?  

Here's to a happier week for all!  

Happiness - Week 4 - Your Commandments

In her book and on her website, the Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin talks about making your personal commandments of happiness.  What are the concepts you need in order to achieve your own personal happiness?  She devotes a post to developing your own that I highly recommend if you want to make them. 

The last couple of weeks I've asked you to make lists - of what makes you happy, unhappy, and what you can (or can't!) change.  This week - one more list - your own commandments.  Check out Gretchen's at her site the happiness project for inspiration - they're in the left sidebar.  I'm also going to share mine with you, so you can see where I overlapped with her (no need to re-invent the wheel!) and where I found my own "must have" commandments.  And I'm not sure I feel comfortable with the word commandments - because there are 10 other commandments I'm supposed to follow, right?  Maybe I need to rename mine Missy's Secrets for a Successful Year Long Quest for Happiness.  But that's a mouthful.  Oh!  Got it.  Missy's Maxims.  I do love alliteration. 

Missy's Maxims

1. Be Missy.  This is Gretchen's #1 commandment and I'm making it mine as well.  She stresses the need to be who you should be.  For me, it could probably be re-named "just don't be fake."  I've gone through stages in my life where I try to be who I think other people want me to be or try to be a different "me" to appear more likable, friendly.  When I look back at those days, however, I realize those times were my unhappiest.  For example, I don't try to keep up on fashion.  I am a fashion faux-pas on any given day.  But I've stopped worrying about it.  I am Missy, The Unfashionable.  And I figure as long as I'm going out CLEAN (most of the time), then I'm not going to torture myself about Vera Wang or Jimmy Choos. 
2. Betterment, not perfection.  In a house full of perfectionists, you have NO IDEA how important this commandment is.  Or maybe you do . . . :)
3. Family First, every time. 
4. Let Go, Let God.  We've all heard this one, right?  It's another one I'm borrowing. 
5. Proactive, not reactive.  Should go nicely with #3 and the Online book club's first book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families.  Simple Mom has information if you're interested and I'll post on it over the next couple of months as well. 
6. There is only love.  Another one of Gretchen's that I love.  I'll talk more about it when we get to Marriage Month (or loved one month).  Or check out her site if you can't wait. 
7. Do what ought to be done.  Another good one of Gretchen's.  Sometimes it's so easy to avoid doing something because you're blaming someone else or avoiding the responsibility of whatever "it" is.  This Commandment is a good reminder. 
8. BE in the moment.  I spend a lot of time with my children counting down the hours until bedtime, running through my "to do" list in my head, wishing for MY time.  Someday I will look back on this time and ache for it.  I know I will - everyone with grown children guarantees it.  This is my reminder - enjoy the time while I have it and stop wishing the hours away.  They will be gone before I know it.
9. STAR - Stop, Think, Act Right.  I've borrowed this one from Michele Borba's book - The Big Book of Parenting Solutions.  Oldest is using it to help her remember to stop interrupting, but it applies to me too.  There are so many times that I wish I would have just paused before blurting something out (or yelling).  This method will (hopefully!) help with that. 
10. Practice patience.  Especially from 4-6pm.  ;)

My list.  Enjoy.  Come up with some of your own and write them down!  I've added them to the My Happiness Project Toolbox as well, which is a great place to document some of what you are doing (I've linked you to the "invite friends" page to show you how much I'd love to have you join).  I've also made a "Happiness Notebook" for the year here at home, where I'm writing down my resolutions, happy/unhappy lists, these Maxims.  In February, I think I'm actually going to print them out and hang them in my office as a daily reminder. 

Feel free to share some of your own commandments - and raid mine if you want!  That's what's great about the project - it's so unique to every person even while having commonalities for all.  And by the way, these are coming to you at the end of January for a reason.  I didn't sit down and write them in one day.  It took a few weeks of experiencing different areas of "life," and then seeing what I needed them to be. 

Take care and see you tomorrow!

One more thing - Happy Birthday to my mom! 

Super Sunday Series - Looking Backward and Forward - All in One Post!

Welcome back to the Super Sunday Series - a little place where I talk about the terminology and educational aspects of raising gifted children and how it translates into day to day living with your gifted child(ren).  I'm SO excited for 2010 and what I have planned for the Series.  This week, however, I'm buying myself a little time to plan. 

I've put handy links to all of the 2009 Super Sunday Series posts this week, with subjects, in one handy place today, for your ease of handy reference.  No thanks necessary.  Just become a follower or subscribe to my RSS and we'll share the love that way.  Thanks.  Can't you just feel the love already?

Check it out and within each link you will find all of the references I've used, because Heaven knows I didn't come up with all of this intellectualism all by myself:

Birth of the Super Sunday Series - where I introduced the SSS.  Hence the zany birth reference in the title.

Why we IQ tested so young (not Super Sunday, but relevant) - Look for SSS this year with more information about IQ testing, including the importance of not thinking it's too important. 
IQ - Part I
IQ - Part II

Traits of the Gifted Child - It's a laundry list and it's not comprehensive, but it does get you started.
Verbal Skills, Curiosity and Memory - Where I delve a little deeper into these traits common to the gifted child.
Perfectionism - I - Perfectionism can be painful and difficult, especially when practically every member of your family suffers from it.  Part One of Two.
Perfectionism - II - Tips for keeping the ravaging claws of perfectionism at bay.  Part Two of Two. 
Asynchronous Development - One of the fascinating aspects of gifted to me - it's kinda like having a college major - at 5.  You are very strong in certain areas, but not across the board.


Overexcitabilities - Gifteds seem to be predisposed to overexcitabilities in one or more areas.  You can find an exploration of all of them below.  Once I started understanding these, life in our house started getting so much more manageable.

Sensual
Emotional
Imaginational
Psycho-Motor
Intellectual


Holidays and Your Gifted Child - Where I advised you on surviving the holidays with as much fun and as little upheaval as possible.  Then I didn't follow any of my own advice! 

Routine
Transitions
Sleep
Nutrition

The rest of 2010's Super Sunday Series will be more informative - I hope!  I have the whole year planned out, without an order yet, I'm still working out those kinks.  And if you have something you want to hear about, place an order!  I'm totally open to talking to you about what YOU want to hear, not just what I want to wax philosophic about.

Next week in the Series - cycles.  Do you have them?  Not THOSE - does your gifted child cycle through various behavior patterns on a regular basis?  I'll let you know what they're like here and then you can tell me. 

Tomorrow?  My own personal Happiness Project for 2010.  Can't WAIT!

Super Sunday Series - You know your child is Gifted when . . . verbal! Curiosity! Memory!

Today's Super Sunday Series spends a little more time on 3 gifted traits that I published in the non-exclusive laundry list a few weeks ago. 

They are strong verbal skills, intense curiosity and an unusually good memory.  The Survival Guide for Parents of Gifted Kids by Sally Yahnke Walker, Ph.D. (see?  I do look at other books besides my oft-quoted ones!), discusses these succinctly and with great examples.  This was my first book on "gifted" and it's a wonderful introduction for people trying to figure it all out.  I bought it when Oldest was 3. 

She says the following about these three traits:
       
1.  Strong Verbal Skills. 

If your child is like most gifted kids, she probably possesses a motor mouth that rarely shuts down.  These kids also tend to have sophisticated vocabularies that sometimes alienate them from their peers who don't understand the big words.  . . . Bright children not only hear and understand big words, they can also apply them in the correct context.  Page 49.

2.  Intense Curiosity.

Gifted kids are hungry for knowledge.  They are trying to find information about their world.  Some of them want to know all about everything.  They can be like grasshoppers, jumping from subject to subject, interest to interest.  Other gifted kids want to know about one specific topic at a time.  They become the resident experts on that topic.  Their questions can be endless.  From the minute they wake up until they collapse, their minds are at work, trying to make sense of their world.  Even at lights out, their questions continue.  You'll notice this even when they're very young.  More than one parent has put it this way:  "My child is like a sponge, trying to soak up everything."  Pages 45-46.

3.  Unusually Good Memory.

Gifted and talented kids generally have excellent memories, which they frequently put to good use by reminding their parents of things they may have forgotten (or wished to forget).  Page 48.

I include these three in one post because I find them inter-related.  Their descriptions in the book are all similar.  Kids with a good memory or intense curiosity tend to be really verbal about it. 

So how do these traits apply in our house?  In an inter-connected, hand in hand way.  :)

Strong Verbal.  A lot of places you read talk about this trait as an either/or trait.  Either your child starts talking extraordinarily early and at a very high level, or your child may not speak at all until one day he starts speaking in full sentences. 

We have one of each in our house.  Oldest had less than 6 words at 18 months of age.  By 21 months, however, she was speaking in 6-8 word sentences.  Youngest's speech development was much more consistent, but still rapid.  At her two year appointment, while the nurse was asking this question:

"Does she speak in at least 2 word combinations that you can understand?"

Youngest was asking me THIS question:

"Mommy, is Docker X coming in ta give me dat shot?" 

It's pretty funny to hear that sentence coming out of this little body. 

Intense Curiosity.  Intersestingly, we did call Oldest the sponge for many years, even before reading this book.  It was the only way to describe her.  There were places we would go and things we would do where she would get this look in her eye that you knew she was drawing it all in, and I do mean all, to process and then come back to us with questions later.  She wouldn't hear us, she would see nothing but what she was watching or listening to.  Plus, I've shared some of her learning obsessions.  She's a "become the expert on one thing at a time" girl.  Remember, she hit a child who put the wrong "Wonder Pet" behind the wheel of a submarine when she was 4 years old.  This, coming from the girl who never hits anyone. 

Unusually good memory.  Both of my kids have an unusually good memory.  We also call Oldest the Computer and she doesn't like it.  Not at all.  It might be the perfectionist in her, feeling like she might not live up to the standards of a computer, but it might also be based on a more "kid-like" fear - that thinking of herself as having a brain like a computer might make her "not real."  So we mostly do it behind her back now - good parents that we are!  She remembers everything, everything!  There are things she regurgitates to me that I might have said 6 months earlier - and she can recall it verbatim!  The book states you have to be careful what you promise your child because they will bring it back to you months, or even years down the road and it's so true here! 

So I think that does it for my exploration of gifted traits - for now.  Please click on a recap of all of them in one tidy bundle if you missed any. 

Tell me - what is your child's most prevalent gifted trait?  Can you narrow it down?  I don't know that I can.  Part of the complexity of giftedness is its multi-faceted surface, right?  Which doesn't even go into the deep oceans of their "little" brains.  If I had to choose a couple for Oldest though, it would be perfectionism and memory.  But then I want to add asynchronous development and verbal skills as well.  Hard to decide and I'd love to hear from you!

See you tomorrow for my FINAL NaBloPoMo entry.  I'll give a little review of what I think of good ol' NaBloPoMo, which, if you don't know, is blogging daily for a month - no matter what. 

And in December the Super Sunday Series will focus on giving your child a chance at success during the "most wonderful time of year."  We're talking basic necessities, people.  It will be applicable to all kids, not just giteds. 

See you!

Missy

The Awesome Feeling of . . . Progress

Holy Hell!  I like to talk about gymnastics.  I wonder how many people will stop reading this blog because I.  Can't.  Stop. 

But this IS newsworthy - as a story of hope, encouragement.  We WILL get there with our kids if we just stick with them and ENVISION THEIR SUCCESS. 

What do I mean by this?  Here are three ways I could talk about my gymnastics expectations for Oldest:

1. Why can't you stop screwing around?
2. I hope you can behave yourself tonight.
3. I know you are going to meet the expectations I have for you at gymnastics.  Can you remind me what they are again?

Of course, friends and neighbors, #3 assumes her success.  It empowers her to make good choices.  It makes her say "I know I can do it," not "I have to do it or else Mom's going to yank me from the class."  Or even worse, "Mom has no faith in me, why should I have faith in myself?"

Exactly four weeks ago I wrote a post about the difficulties Oldest was having in Gymnastics.  I gave her the ultimatum that if she messed up in class again (in the goof off, screw around variety, nobody's looking for any Olympic material here), she'd be out for the remainder of the season.  And because I'm such a nice mommy, my plan was to still take her Youngest's class and let her sit it out for 6 straight weeks. 

I prayed, prayed that she wouldn't mess up.  I didn't want to do this.  Enforcing painful, gut wrenching consequences really is harder on the parent than the child.  My parents weren't kidding around when they said that.  No sir, not one little bit.  But I was ready.  If this was a lesson she needed to learn the hard way, I prepared myself. 

Last night, OMG!  It was like NOTHING I've ever seen from her in that building.  She focused, she tried her best, she didn't allow mistakes to set her off, she didn't SCREW AROUND.  She was amazing! 

Is she Mary Lou Retton?  No, not by a long shot. 

But she's making consistent improvement and she's truly trying her hardest.  She did a forward roll on the balance beam, for cripe's sake!  Four weeks ago on the balance beam, she would take two steps, wobble, purposely fall and then roll around giggling about how hard it was for 2-3 minutes at a time.  Forward roll.  Balance beam.  Last night.

I know I've said it before, but this has NOTHING to do with the skills being acquired (though seeing her gain confidence in her body and a modicum of coordination certainly is an added bonus).  This has EVERYTHING to do with actually seeing, truly watching her work through something really difficult, make the right choices on her own, and gain the confidence of doing your best work, no matter what that level is.  It is watching her be a little less of a perfectionist and more of a person who accepts her strengths and weaknesses. 

I am swelling with pride for her this morning.  And for us as parents.  In a profession (parenting) where you so rarely complete a task, I feel like we saw real social and emotional progress last night.

And it was even sweetened by the instructor coming up to me after class, with her eyes all alight, saying, "Oldest did awesome tonight.  I am SO proud of her." 

The Teetering Update

So yesterday was when my parents left.  Usually I don't see much fallout on the day they leave.  But yesterday it was ALL ME who had the fallout. 

I decided to use a shortcut to the girls' gymnastics class.  Last night was the first night.  I chose the wrong way and got us lost to the tune of a 20 minute detour.  At the beginning, who was falling apart?  No one.  I was in control.  We were going to make it.  The girls were none-the-wiser.  Just holding hands in the back seat singing (alternating) Our Lady Peace and O.A.R.  How cute is that?

I started realizing my folly pretty early in the game (ie: I overestimated my ability to get us from point A to point B too easily).  We were not coming from home.  We were coming from an appointment and I had it totally worked out in my head how to get there.  It was going to be no problem.

The PROBLEM, I discovered, was that I HAD NO IDEA HOW TO GET THERE FROM WHERE WE WERE.  I tried, and I DID get us there, but there were about 30 minutes of OMG, WHERE ARE WE, CHRIMINY WHAT HAVE I DONE moments. 

The kids handled it well until LITERALLY, the last 2 minutes.  I mean, seriously, do you have to freak out when we're there?  What about Mommy's freak out the previous 30 minutes?   You know it, moms, the silent freak out you do when you don't want your kids to know?  The freak out you try to hide but your tension fills the car?  Oh, is that just me?  Sorry. 

Being lost AND not on time is quite possibly my biggest personal life nightmare (aside from the obvious family catastrophies I won't go into here). 

So, you are wondering how the last two minutes went? 

Oldest started bawling and hyperventilating over our late-ness (15 minutes), mostly because Youngest kept saying (I kid you not - 20 times at least), "Oldest, are we at dimdastics yet?"  It was funny until Oldest started moaning in the backseat and begging her to STOP because she was going to DIE if she heard it one more time. 

Of course, as it's always the case when Mommy's held it together over major trauma (getting lost in your own town certainly fits THAT), I ended up saying in a not-so-normal tone of voice, "DO YOU WANT MOMMY TO START SCREAMING WHEN WE ARE LITERALLY TWO MINUTES AWAY, I MEAN I CAN SEE THE PLACE, CAN'T WE ALL KEEP FROM LOSING IT NOW?"

Which begs the question that maybe MOMMY was losing it, I know. 

But, we made it in one piece.  15 minutes late, which makes me C-R-A-Z-Y.  I can't stand being late.  Hmmmm.  I wonder where Oldest gets her standards?  Just one of life's little mysteries.  ;)

And they L-O-V-E-D it.  Seriously.  They think gymnastics (dimdastics) is the best thing that ever happened to both of them.


Ahhhhhhhhh.  Some days it all works out. Eventually.

First Day of School Looms Large

School starts for Oldest in less than 60 hours. I'm so sad about the summer ending! We have had a great one. Maybe one of the best. Oldest set so many goals for herself this summer - in true Oldest AND Gifted fashion. I set some for her too - milestones that we really, REALLY needed to meet. Here they are:

1. Read 11 chapter books for 11 weeks of summer. I set this for both of us, including rewards. She read 33. I barely eeked out my 11.
2. Learn to tie shoes - I set this. She learned in three days. Refer to the post entitled "The Post Where I remember to be Thankful " to see how her reminder of how to do it went.
3. Finish Book One of Suzuki piano. She set this one after attending and being inspired at the Suzuki Institute this summer. I thought there was NO WAY - she still had 8 songs to do hands together at the end of June. She just completed that one today.
4. Start going underwater at the pool. I set this - she started at the beginning of August after I bribed her with a candy bar. Yes, I am that mom, but we're talking about a necessary life lesson and she wasn't feelin' it. Within 2 days, she was going off the diving board. Once she's off and running with something, she truly can't be stopped.
5. Learn to ride her two wheeler without the training wheels. Dad set that one - she learned, but still can't get started on her own. It's coming though.

It doesn't fill me with pride that she's accomplished this much. What fills me with pride is the gusto with which she attacked most of these. She was so positive (mostly) and genuinely desired to do her best. Even on setback days (see post entitled "Perfectionism is sooooo painful" for one about piano), she ended positively. She is one amazing girl.
But I have to be honest. As sad as I am about summer ending, I am almost quivering with excitement about getting most of my days back. She will be in full day, five days, Youngest will be in three days, half days. When you add the Youngest's hours and naptimes together, that's going to be 18 hours to myself each week before 9pm. And it's been 11 long weeks since I've had that kind of time.
But I'll miss them - I'm getting teary just writing this! Sniff, sob. Hurray! All at the same time. :)