Albus Dumbledore Said My Favorite Quote

It's our choices that show who we really are, far more than our abilities. - Albus Dumbledore

Yes, I quote Harry Potter books.  I love them and am not embarassed to admit it.  I would wait (like so many others) with breathless anticipation for the new ones to come out and then devour them like candy on Halloween night.  

I hate that they are finished because I'm not one of those people who can re-read a book I love.  I think there are just too many great unread books out there to find, so that's where I focus my energies.    

The quote above came from Albus Dumbledore, headmaster at Hogwarts to Harry toward the end of book five (? - Potter Enthusiasts - correct a girl if she's wrong).  Harry, on the eve of adolescence, wanted all the answers, easily and quickly.  He wanted his abilities to open more doors for him than he felt was happening.  

Professor Dumbledore, among other things said in that conversation, said something which bears repeating:

It's our choices that show who we really are, far more than our abilities.

Do you ever find a line in a book that is so profound to your life at the time that it changes you?  


This one did for me.  We were just learning of Oldest's capabilities, as far as intelligence.  But we were also learning the reality of her resistance to hard work and her often quick response of  "I just won't try at all" at the very first sign of challenge.  It was striking fear in my heart, because I hadn't yet learned that this is a little something called perfectionism.  I thought we might have one of those stories of "brilliant kid never uses gifts and ends up wasting her talent" that you hear about gifted kids from time to time.  

It reminded me of Edison's quote, "success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration."   

I wrote the Potter quote down in brigthly colored crayon and posted it over my computer.  I wanted it in a place where Oldest could see it every day, even if we never talked about it.  I wanted it to gradually mold her thinking to "I can't just rest on my intelligence.  I have to make good choices, choices that require hard work, if I'm ever going to go anywhere in life."  Yes, it's a lot to try to plant into a 5 year old's psyche, but I truly believe much of a child's lifetime capacity happens when they are very young.

I started living this in real life.  Without making a big deal about it, I started interjecting into regular conversations, "well, you know our family.  We're hard workers."  OR  "We make good choices."  Sometimes randomly, always when she complained about the difficulty of something.  I wanted her to intermalize that kind of thinking for when things were hard for her.  

And you know what?  It's working.  Some days it's really noticeable, some days it seems to have flown out the window.  Most days, I'm seeing that her mindset is shifting a little bit at a time.  And the most wonderful part is that Youngest, starting at the ground floor of this thinking, is just internalizing it from the beginning.  

It's our choices that show who we really are, far more than our abilities.


Do you have a quote you live by?  What is it about that quote that you love?


***Fascinatingly, I discovered this article about the similarities of Harry Potter and gifted kids while trying to find the book the quote came from - it's worth a look.***  

Happiness and Ethics Make Good Bed Partners

In law school, you "learn" a lot about ethics.  As a lawyer, you're required to take ethics classes every reporting period - to "learn" friendly reminders of what's OK  - or not.  Something I've learned over the years is that you can teach classes and make attending those classes mandatory until you're blue in the face.  But by the time you're an adult, you're either ethical or you're not.  In other words, a class isn't going to teach it into you.

I believe being ethical and being happy are completely intertwined concepts - happiness cannot exist without ethics.  Yes, sometimes it feels good to be bad and you get a charge of exhilaration from it.  I proved that notion quite well in college.  But over the long term, unethical behavior comes from people unhappy at their core.  Kind of like the imagery of Satan (if you believe in that).  He may seem like the happiest guy at the party - he's exuberant, gregarious and draws people in.  But he's also the most unethical (he created the concept, I'm sure), and at his core, he's a miserable fallen angel who pretends to be happy in his eternal position of finding people to damn. 

I was on the receiving end of two unethical people last week.   One happened in my "real" life, one happened here in cyberspace.  The details don't matter and I wouldn't share them anyway, tempting though it may be.  I could rant, rave, shout obscenities (I did do that, just in the privacy of my own home) and fling accusations all over the place.  All of the things that I want to say could be true, but the responsiblity is misplaced.

The truth is that I trusted people with work of mine.  One I knew I shouldn't, but did anyway, hoping for the best.  One I didn't check out, I just trusted.  I have no one to "blame" but myself.  I assumed the best  in two different situations by trusting them with my work and I got burned.

Sometimes being ethical isn't very much fun and it can often be in the minority.  But it is always necessary for my happiness and that's an important realization to make.  Because the alternative isn't an option.  I hold myself and my family to a high degree of ethics - even if it's not popular.  I can thank my parents for that.  And thank Husband's parents for doing the same with him.  

Do you want to start your own Happiness Project?  Check out Gretchen Rubin's book and blog if so, or do it with me - I'll help.