Dear So and So - Birthday Edition

Head over to 3 bedroom bungalow for other Dear So and So posts!

Dear 39 year old body and brain -
You didn't need to be quite the baby you were being at the beginning of this week.  Everything turned out just fine and you had a great time too!  Kids?  Darling and uber-well-behaved.  Husband?  Attentive and sweet.  How about you lay off the eating a little bit though?  At the rate you're going, you're going to need an intervention.

Signed,
Maybe 39 won't be so bad after all

Dear laptop birthday present -

Me love you.

Signed,
Sitting on the couch blogging is pretty AWE-SOME!

Dear best family dinner EVER -

We go every year.  So fun, even if it is always in time for the early bird special. 

Signed,
I love my family

Dear Youngest -
I love your newest "fun phrase."  Rock it.  Ever.  You know it sister.  We will rock it.  Forever.

Signed,
I also love that you eat Curry Rice for lunch with Mommy.  With Chopsticks.


Dear Oldest -
First Communion tomorrow.  Recognize the import and act accordingly.  Don't dwell too much and freak out.

Signed,
I'm worried about  being a teary puddle when I watch you tomorrow.  Maybe I need to take my advice to you, hmmm?

Dear Readers:
Thank you for the many birthday wishes yesterday.  Much appreciated.

Signed,
Missy

You Say it's Your Birthday?

No?  It's actually mine.  

My day is a study in contradictions:

~I want Husband to surprise me, but I already went out and got everything I wanted . . . 
~I want a BREAK FROM MY KIDS!  Except it's my birthday, I want to share it with them . . . 
~I want to feel special, but right now I feel overwhelmed . . . 
~I want to be contacted by all of my friends and family, but don't really want to spend hours on the phone . . . 
~I want a surprise party, but I really don't . . . 
~I want the day to be all about me, but I'm way too old for that . . . 


How can I possibly be pleased with all of those emotions?  This is my last birthday in my 30's, unless I start calling my birthday the "anniversary of my 39th birthday" from now on.  I'm trying to be OK with that.

Tomorrow we're having 20 people over to our house for the weekend to celebrate Oldest's first communion on Saturday.  As luck would have it, 3 other people on Husband's side of the family have birthdays right now too - within about 10 days.  So we're having a 4-way party tomorrow night for all of us (2 adults, 2 kids), then Oldest's day is Saturday, with a party after her communion.  I'm trying to be OK, no HAPPY, about all of this hoopla, when I wouldn't mind just lying in bed all day reading a novel.  And eating cookies.  Iced ones.

So how DO I get past this?  Just appreciate my many blessings, I suppose - a wonderful Husband, healthy, fun kids, my own good health, our annual family birthday dinner to my favorite place, having a good relationship with my parents.  And a hope that the kids don't MAKE ME CRAZY TODAY!  Maybe I need to remove all rules and regulations for them today too.  Cheetos for breakfast?  Sure, it's Mommy's birthday.  Fresca in your lunch box?  Why not - it's Mommy's birthday.  TV all day?  Absolutely, maybe it will give me some time to catch up on my Google Reader.

Everybody needs a break from the responsibilities of life sometimes.  Why not today?

My Happiness Project - April is ME Month

It's Happiness Monday!  I love My Happiness Project, where I decided to spend a year "finding" happiness with the help of Gretchen Rubin and her awesome book.  Check out her website for more information.  And buy the book!  It's never too late to start your own Happiness Project.  

April!  The month I've been waiting for - the all-about-me-it's-my-birthday month!  Which is a little laughable, because as I'll share in a couple of Mondays, it's SO not all about me starting very, very soon.  

I planned it, though, allllllllllllllllllll the way back in January, to be about ME and the things I love.

What?  What do you love, Missy?  I know you are sitting there, rapt, waiting to hear what my indulgences are.  Here we go:

1. I'm getting a pedicure, facial and massage.  I normally do these things once a year and n-e-v-e-r in the same month.  That's way too frivolous and self-centered.  
2. I'm trying one new restaurant and one old favorite.  One of my greatest pleasures in life is dining out (without kids) at a fancy-ish restaurant.  
3. I'm doing dinner with girlfriends.  I'm letting too many friendships lapse because of being "too busy."  People I really care about and miss.  
4. Making my bucket list.  I have a really old one, from the end of college.  Wonder how much it will change?
5. I'm taking a nap each week this month.  
6. I'm finally, finally, finally getting my laptop.  
7. I'm treating myself to some new makeup.
8. I THINK I'm going to build my blog sans blogger this month.  This may need to be re-thought in light of some recent developments, so we'll see.  

Gosh!  I feel elated and selfish at the same time looking back over this list.  I feel embarassed to actually put into writing that I'm spending a month indulging myself this much.  I feel like I should say, "no I'm kidding - I actually don't deserve this."  Because the truth is, like so many of us out there, I put myself last 95% of the time.  And most of the time, that's OK.   

So if YOU were to spend a month treating yourself to your favorite things, what would it consist of? And what do you think of my list?  Share with me.  

My Happiness Project - Contradictions

It's Happiness Monday!  I love My Happiness Project, where I decided to spend a year "finding" happiness with the help of Gretchen Rubin and her awesome book.  Check out her website for more information.  And buy the book!  It's never too late to start your own Happiness Project.  

One area the book explores - the contradictions you find in happiness.  For example, in my own life, the tug-of-war between "work hard every day, marking things off my to-do list" and "take time to enjoy life."  

This past week gave me a good study in that.  If you didn't notice from three different posts, we had a birthday last week.  Oldest turned 8 and much of the week was spent doing celebratory things with her:

1. piano recital Tuesday night
2. cooking with her class Wednesday afternoon
3. wrapping presents and baking her cake wednesday night
4. family time thursday afternoon and evening
5. a dinner and dance Friday night
6. family coming to spend the day and evening Saturday

And we had fun.  Lots and lots of fun.  The kind of fun where you say, "we need to have more fun like this."  The kids were great with each other, it was wonderful to spend time with family, baking the cake with Oldest rather than buying it was so much more memorable, cooking with her class gave me insight into what a wonderful class she has, etc, etc.  

Now it's Monday, and guess what my to-do list looks like?  Well, I'm not really sure because I haven't even made it yet!  It is going to be L-O-N-G, to say the least.  Combine that with our pending spring break trip and this week is a recipe for little, if any, down time.  

And you know what?  That's OK.  Really.  As much as I say getting my to do list accomplished every day is a major source of my happiness (and it most certainly is), I wouldn't have taken away one thing from last week. We loved it, we all connected deeply and we strengthened our family bond as we head into what can sometimes be a tough month for our family  - the 30 days leading up to tax day (Husband is a CPA).  

And celebrating birthdays makes us all really happy.  It's that person's special day and they deserve to be honored.  

What about you?  How do you celebrate birthdays?  Do you do the week long celebration like us?  

Birthday Reflections

Dear Oldest:

I sit here this morning, writing before you wake up, not believing you turn 8 years old today.  And as always, it makes me cry - this cruel task of parenting.  Which is simply - if we are doing it right, we will watch you slowly but surely gain confidence and independence as you step into a world that doesn't have Mom and Dad at its center.  Each year, you move another step away from us, and that's as it should be.

I'm beginning to see glimpses of the teenage girl you will become - beautiful, confident, friendly, self assured.

But you are also still the girl I want to hold for a little bit longer.  

Your smile is infectious and people have always been drawn to your happiness.  

Your passions are emerging in the form of art, music, creative expression, writing and reading.  

You still wear your heart on your sleeve, which can be good and bad.  Good because you feel deeply, love purely, care so much for so many things.  Bad because you get hurt easily.  You truly believe the world is a kind place and have no tough shell to handle the hurts yet.  

Your sense of justice is advanced and unnerving at times - the clarity with which you can see a situation.  Like explaining, very accurately, the difference between needs and wants to your sister the other night.  Funny, yet sounding more like it came from a 12 year old, or maybe a 20 year old.  

Boys are starting to take interest in you.  You had one declare his love for you at your uncle's wedding this fall.  THAT makes Daddy want to become the world's strongest and scariest man.  He has daughters to protect, you know.

Your love of your sister is so intense, so pure, so real, that it sometimes takes her breath away.  She didn't spend 5 years longing for a sister like you did and sometimes she's overwhelmed by your devotion to her.  But she loves you so much too.  You are all she knows as a sister - this shining light of love for her, this sister who thinks of her so often.  

When you are at your best, you are unstoppable, a literal force to be reckoned with and your intensity and dedication to the things that interest you simply amaze me.  

You have big changes coming your way this year, though, my girl.  I know you are ready, I've watched you grow into such a capable, independent girl over the last 8 years.  

I hope so many things for you, but this year I hope I can be your rock and our home your safe place as you navigate the next steps in your young life.  

Happy 8th Birthday.    

Today, the Pictures

Bear with me today and tomorrow as I dedicate my posts to Oldest (even more than usual).  Her birthday is tomorrow, so today we're taking a picture tour of her life.  Tomorrow?  Her annual birthday letter.

The Castle and the Purple Dragon

Oldest is a jump in first and say "OH, Sh*t!" later kind of gal.  It keeps me awake at night - thinking about high school, college.

Youngest thoroughly evaluates a situation before she dips one toe in to test the water.  Then she decides if it's worthy of her time and attention and may participate.  I love that about her.

Saturday she had a birthday party at one of those cavernous warehouses full of bouncy houses.  She spent 30 minutes scoping out the action, made her plan, and jumped into the fray at the slide.  Promptly knocked heads with another little boy as they bounced into each other accidentally, but no matter, she pressed on.  She had made her decision, right?

Then, disaster.  She entered a castle bounce house that I discovered too late was beyond her abilities - she's small.  She'd been in there for 5ish minutes and I'd neither seen nor heard her.  I walk around the castle looking for her and see these two little girls feverishly climbing over SOMETHING, something low to the ground and it looked like they kept tripping over it.  I knew.

"Hey girls, have you seen Youngest?"

"Oh, yeah, she's right here (pointing under their feet), she wants to come out."  Blissfully continuing to climb over her body.

So in true Moms CAN move cars when they think their child is hurt fashion, I hurtled through the entrance of the castle, scaled the wiggly wall, dove over the slide and there she was.  Bawling.  Hitching and bawling so loudly, so terrified, possibly more scared than I've seen her.

So I grab her, hold her, all the while these two girls are still zooming past us, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, completely oblivious.  Ever wondered how people can actually stampede other people with no awareness of doing it?  I got a glimpse into it Saturday.  Yes, these girls were young, but I'm telling you, Youngest was in such a terror that I hope and pray my own children would GET SOMEONE if they ever see another kid like that.

Anyhoo.  I get her out and when she can finally talk, she tells me that she "got stuck and the vewy, vewy scawy purple dwagon was on top of her and she was so, so scawed, Mommy.  Can we go tell Oldest?  Can we call Daddy and tell him?"

The purple dragon in question was attached well above her head, and was obviously not a real threat.  But I'm sure to a 2 year old laying on the floor, unable to get up, it did look as real and scary as her perception of it.

She's made her plan of attack for the next time she goes, which is (and I'm not making this up, people), "I'm going to go to that purple dragon and say NO, THANK YOU, Purple dragon.  I do NOT want to come in there today."  And she nods vehemently while saying this, convincing herself of the wisdom in her plan.

Moral of this story?  May you recognize the purple dragons in your own castle for what they really are - a scary, yet imaginary threat.   Don't give them any more time, energy, attention or fear than they deserve.  And learn to say "no thank you" to them.  Nobody needs a fake purple dragon terrorizing their castle, do they?  We have enough real dragons to slay as it is.

Do you have any purple dragons in your life right now?  I do.  But I'm taking my lesson from a 2 year old and saying, No, thank you, purple dragon.  

A Saturday Full of "Fun" Surprises

It's pretty funny that I wrote the "I'm going to be thankful no matter what" post at 6am Saturday morning.  Sometimes you just never know, do you?

Wanna know what happened Saturday?

The day started off GREAT.  Spent a few moments with the kiddos before Husband took them on a two hour jaunt to Panera, then to the playground.  I accomplished MUCH and felt productive and ready to single mom-it the rest of the day while Husband tailgated.

Then I went upstairs to change and voila!  Our hamster had died during the night.  Or so I thought.  I debated hiding her and just telling Oldest that she'd escaped, but decided, "No, I have these crazy standards about honesty, gotta tell her."

They came home and I dropped the bomb.  As tactfully as I could.  Of course there were many tears.  She wanted to help bury her, which I'm fine with, so we went up to get her.  I wrapped her in a paper towel to take downstairs and the towel started moving!  OMG, seriously?

So we opened the towel up and watched her, discovering that she wasn't dead YET, just seriously ill.  I called the vet (had to give it due diligence, right?).  And our vet only handles cats and dogs.  So we were on our own.   For 30 minutes, she convulsed every minute or so, finally dying after a large, extended gasp. Yes, that kind of thing really does happen. 

As if it wasn't sad enough to tell Oldest her hamster died.  Then we had the false hope of her not being dead, maybe getting revived and then finally the shock of watching her die right in front of our eyes.  Probably not one of my top 100 ways to spend a Saturday morning.

So we went around the table and said what we liked about Scutter the Hamster:

Oldest - "I liked that she was my own, my first real pet."  Crying all the while.
Husband - "I liked the name you gave her, Oldest."
Youngest - "I wiked howlding her, Scutter."
Miss E - "I liked how tame she was." (Even if she tried to escape loudly and nightly, which is what I think killed her - swallowing the twist tie we used to secure the cage door that she could open by rocking her body - could I make this up?)


We buried her in the back yard with the class turtle who died in our care over the summer.  Ugh.

Next up?  That movie theatre birthday party.  I gave Oldest a free pass to stay home, but she thought it would help her get her mind off Scutter.  She was right of course. 

I have to cross one of my boundaries to say this - but I have to, I just have to.  IT WAS THE BIRTHDAY PARTY FROM HELL. 

Why is this a boundary, you ask?  When I eventually, maybe, go public with this blog to my local friends and acquaintances (a few know now, but not many), I really don't want to slam a local event that people can figure out exactly what and who I'm talking about.  I just don't want to hurt people's feelings that way.

But I have to take my chances.  That bad. 

The party started at 1pm.  Guess what time the movie started?  1:45 or 2, right?  WRONG!  Try 2:30. 

Guess how many activities the kids were entertained with for that 90 minute lull? 

Pizza and cupcakes.  That's IT.  IT I SAY!  8 children in a room with the most obnoxious acoustics I've EVER heard.  Screaming like banshees, jumping on tables, tackling each other, playing "get the robot monster," hitting each other, whacking each other with balloons.  It was so bad, it could have been a movie spoof.  Screaming like BANSHEES, I tell you.  Youngest spent the first 1/2 hour wrapped like cling wrap around my midsection it was so loud.

You can imagine my utter despair, knowing Oldest's track record at birthday parties.  But guess what?  She persevered.  She maintained.  She actually said, and I practically wrote it down at the place so I could frame it and hang it on my wall for challenging days - when asked why she wasn't joining in the "fun," she said, "You guys are being completely out of control and it really doesn't look fun to me.  I'm sitting this out."  OMG.  OMG.  Knock me over with a feather. 

And truth be told, there were only 2-3 kids completely skewing the whole event, the rest were moderately in control.  And sadly, the ringleader of Poor Behavior's mother was right there, so who could discipline her when her mother wouldn't?  Anybody have that problem?  THAT'S one of my top 2 of difficult playdates (or any non-school child interaction) - when the other parent won't be a parent.

So it comes time to leave the party room and head to the theatre.  Youngest and I walk her right up to the theatre door because I'm (not) a helicopter parent, say goodbye, we'll see her after the movie's over.  Head out to the car.

Turn back toward the theatre as I'm putting Youngest in the car and what did I see?  I couldn't make this up if I tried - now it's becoming a horror movie!  The two chaperones for the party were taking the presents and party supplies out to their car.  The kids were ALONE in the theatre! 

What????   

See?  Sometimes being a helicopter parent isn't such a bad idea.  (Though I found out later that the mother referenced above was inside with them, at the time, I didn't know this)

I couldn't stop myself - I walked over and said, "you two ARE chaperoning into the theatre, aren't you?  I mean, it's 8 girls under 10, you know."  They assured me they were just out of the theatre for a minute (which is all it takes for disaster to strike, ladies), but were heading right back in. 

I spent the next 110 minutes aging in LIGHT years, people!  But she came out in one piece.  Thank God. 

Other than that?  Nothing major, except day 3 of no nap from Youngest.  Insert all of the things you know happen when a toddler has a cold AND hasn't napped for 3 days.  Yep, they all happened.

Oh.  And our puppy cried for an hour from 3:30 to 4:30 in the morning. 

Just a day in the life of a Thankful Mom, you know!  BUT it could have been worse, much, much, much worse (like it could have been the puppy who died and I can't even go into what COULD have happened at "just a minute" of unchaperoned children in a darkened movie theatre), so I really was still thankful at the end of the day.  Maybe not so much by 4:30 in the morning though.  ;)

Signed,
Life is full of fun surprises, but today's Monday and I love Mondays.  Seriously.  So much more structure than the weekend.  Right, Lauging at Chaos?  Plus it's grocery day - my fave.

Birthdays revisited, this one at home

Today is Youngest's birthday.  All in all, a great day.  Both girls had school in the morning, then we pulled Oldest out at 2pm for an entire family trip to see the Wiggles.  I mean, when the Wiggles come on your child's birthday and you love them as much as I (ahem, THEY, my KIDS) do, you have to go and it has to be the whole family, right? 

Great show.  Everyone had fun.  Then we came home. 

Youngest did not nap today and I can now say with certainty that she is NOT finished with those, no siree!  We decided to open presents while waiting for the pizza.  Here's what she got:

1. a tricked out Kettler trike with a long push handle in the back
2. some peg game thing
3. bath crayons
4. an Ugly doll - not an ugly DOLL, but the trademarked stuffed animals called Ugly Doll - her name is Feebee and she's . . . ugly, of course.  But adorably so.
5. some clothes and bathing suits that I got at a great end of summer sale last week and decided to throw into the birthday mix for the hell of it
6. a couple of Little People toys from Oldest that SHE BOUGHT HERSELF - God Bless 'er!

Does this seem like a lot?  In light of the EMBARASSING, MASSIVE birthday gifts I've gotten Oldest in years past, this seemed small to me - hence the addition of the clothing. 

Oldest opened everything for her.  This no one minded.  Then Oldest took everything out of its packaging for her.  And started playing with it all.  Youngest, hungry and on no nap and overstimulated from the Wiggles, started minding.  VERY LOUDLY.  

I started out kindly saying, "you know, Oldest, these aren't your presents, please let Youngest play with them."  Worked for . . . 2 minutes.  

More of, "THAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTT'SSSSSSSSSSS MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNE" ensued.  

Maybe I should digress very briefly.  We are a Montessori family.  And they teach there that "what's yours is yours (but not in a bad way - it's all about respecting people and property)" and you must ask AND ACCEPT THE ANSWER before you can take something from someone, join someone at a work they are doing, or generally get in someone's business.  So we follow that at home too.  I find that it works out much better than making someone "share" the moment (or immediately after) they acquire something and it teaches the person desiring the object manners, patience and respect.  I make Youngest abide by this with Oldest, but I have a much harder time getting Oldest to abide by this with Youngest. 

I'm pretty sure it's two reasons:

1. Oldest had full reign over everything in the house for more than 5 years.
2. Oldest lived through a year of Youngest not caring if she played with everything of hers because she was a cute little blob who lived to just watch her sister.

But now Youngest has a personality and opinions and she wasn't feeling charitable tonight.  And I don't blame her!  This was a painful lesson for Oldest, which, for awhile at least, made it painful for all of us. 

Picture Grandma showing up while Oldest is hiding under the computer desk, sharing with me through the chair (tearfully, and with much volume) how she wishes it weren't Youngest's birthday, that she's not getting anything.  Picture me eventually having to threaten to take away Oldest's cupcake access if she didn't stop with her surly attitude with Grandma thereafter.  Remind me to talk about transitions and the Gifted Child one day soon, when I'm not so busy pouring my painful days out on this.

This story ended nicely.  Everyone got cupcakes, Grandma enjoyed her time with the girls and CLAIMS she didn't even know there was some drama upon her arrival (I think she's being nice, which is one of the reasons I love my mother in law, she knows when to use tact).  Everyone went to bed happy. 

And here I sit, a little bit heartbroken.  That this Oldest child of mine, who loves her sister more than anything else on this planet (TRULY, she LOVES that girl), could be that petulant and surly about a couple of motherfucking presents!  Everyone did great at the Wiggles together, did great at dinner, did great with Grandma (after the first 30 minutes), Oldest did great with all of the well wishers to her sister at school today.  Shitty about the presents. 

So who am I really pissed at?  Not Oldest, though sadly, that's where I directed it tonight.  No, I'm pissed at me.  I should have trusted my instincts and gotten fewer presents - she doesn't need them or want them.  She's so happy with interactions with people, she doesn't even care about "stuff."  Didn't even notice when her sister opened them.  But I decided that she needed just a couple extra to open, so I wrapped up the clothes and stuff and made a few more presents out of it.  And I didn't need to - everyone would have been happier without them. 

Does anyone else have this happen?  One child turning into a beast on the other child's birthday?  Am I the only one?  I can't be, right?  I would love to hear how other people handle this.   

Signed,

Looking for a little help out there  :)