You Say it's Your Birthday?

No?  It's actually mine.  

My day is a study in contradictions:

~I want Husband to surprise me, but I already went out and got everything I wanted . . . 
~I want a BREAK FROM MY KIDS!  Except it's my birthday, I want to share it with them . . . 
~I want to feel special, but right now I feel overwhelmed . . . 
~I want to be contacted by all of my friends and family, but don't really want to spend hours on the phone . . . 
~I want a surprise party, but I really don't . . . 
~I want the day to be all about me, but I'm way too old for that . . . 


How can I possibly be pleased with all of those emotions?  This is my last birthday in my 30's, unless I start calling my birthday the "anniversary of my 39th birthday" from now on.  I'm trying to be OK with that.

Tomorrow we're having 20 people over to our house for the weekend to celebrate Oldest's first communion on Saturday.  As luck would have it, 3 other people on Husband's side of the family have birthdays right now too - within about 10 days.  So we're having a 4-way party tomorrow night for all of us (2 adults, 2 kids), then Oldest's day is Saturday, with a party after her communion.  I'm trying to be OK, no HAPPY, about all of this hoopla, when I wouldn't mind just lying in bed all day reading a novel.  And eating cookies.  Iced ones.

So how DO I get past this?  Just appreciate my many blessings, I suppose - a wonderful Husband, healthy, fun kids, my own good health, our annual family birthday dinner to my favorite place, having a good relationship with my parents.  And a hope that the kids don't MAKE ME CRAZY TODAY!  Maybe I need to remove all rules and regulations for them today too.  Cheetos for breakfast?  Sure, it's Mommy's birthday.  Fresca in your lunch box?  Why not - it's Mommy's birthday.  TV all day?  Absolutely, maybe it will give me some time to catch up on my Google Reader.

Everybody needs a break from the responsibilities of life sometimes.  Why not today?

Is it really that simple?

Tuesday I posted a list, created by my Dad quite a few years ago, about secrets to a happy life.  Today, I'm saying what I think of his list and how it relates to happiness.

Health.  Exercising, eating right, drinking in moderation, not smoking.  All of those contribute to health and when one of them falls away, health can decline and certainly lead to unhappiness.  Or a more challenging life, at least.
Teach your Children.  He's coming at this from the angle of "being finished."  His children either have their values now as adults or they don't.  There's little, if anything, he can do to "fix" them now.
Follow a sound financial plan.  Again, coming from the "last half of life" phase.  A favorite quote of his has always been, "If youth but knew what age would crave, many a penny youth would save."

These three principles are important in life and they are broad statements, under which many other things can fall.  And I believe, for the most part, they are good, sound principles that will add to your unhappiness if you don't follow them.

But I think they can be boiled down even farther to one concept:  do you practice delayed gratification?  All of his principles rely on the ability to delay gratification.  If you can delay gratification, then your life will be less difficult, less filled with obstacles.

And I don't mean to say life will be easy.  Life is hard.  There's no ifs, ands or buts about it.  But if you are a person who lives by instant gratification, then you're going to make it much, much harder on yourself and those around you.

Delayed gratification isn't fun, really.  It doesn't make you whoop it up with its excitement.  But it will make you feel more fulfilled in life.  It will, hopefully, help you look back and say, "I made good choices that I can be proud of throughout my life."

Albus Dumbledore Said My Favorite Quote

It's our choices that show who we really are, far more than our abilities. - Albus Dumbledore

Yes, I quote Harry Potter books.  I love them and am not embarassed to admit it.  I would wait (like so many others) with breathless anticipation for the new ones to come out and then devour them like candy on Halloween night.  

I hate that they are finished because I'm not one of those people who can re-read a book I love.  I think there are just too many great unread books out there to find, so that's where I focus my energies.    

The quote above came from Albus Dumbledore, headmaster at Hogwarts to Harry toward the end of book five (? - Potter Enthusiasts - correct a girl if she's wrong).  Harry, on the eve of adolescence, wanted all the answers, easily and quickly.  He wanted his abilities to open more doors for him than he felt was happening.  

Professor Dumbledore, among other things said in that conversation, said something which bears repeating:

It's our choices that show who we really are, far more than our abilities.

Do you ever find a line in a book that is so profound to your life at the time that it changes you?  


This one did for me.  We were just learning of Oldest's capabilities, as far as intelligence.  But we were also learning the reality of her resistance to hard work and her often quick response of  "I just won't try at all" at the very first sign of challenge.  It was striking fear in my heart, because I hadn't yet learned that this is a little something called perfectionism.  I thought we might have one of those stories of "brilliant kid never uses gifts and ends up wasting her talent" that you hear about gifted kids from time to time.  

It reminded me of Edison's quote, "success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration."   

I wrote the Potter quote down in brigthly colored crayon and posted it over my computer.  I wanted it in a place where Oldest could see it every day, even if we never talked about it.  I wanted it to gradually mold her thinking to "I can't just rest on my intelligence.  I have to make good choices, choices that require hard work, if I'm ever going to go anywhere in life."  Yes, it's a lot to try to plant into a 5 year old's psyche, but I truly believe much of a child's lifetime capacity happens when they are very young.

I started living this in real life.  Without making a big deal about it, I started interjecting into regular conversations, "well, you know our family.  We're hard workers."  OR  "We make good choices."  Sometimes randomly, always when she complained about the difficulty of something.  I wanted her to intermalize that kind of thinking for when things were hard for her.  

And you know what?  It's working.  Some days it's really noticeable, some days it seems to have flown out the window.  Most days, I'm seeing that her mindset is shifting a little bit at a time.  And the most wonderful part is that Youngest, starting at the ground floor of this thinking, is just internalizing it from the beginning.  

It's our choices that show who we really are, far more than our abilities.


Do you have a quote you live by?  What is it about that quote that you love?


***Fascinatingly, I discovered this article about the similarities of Harry Potter and gifted kids while trying to find the book the quote came from - it's worth a look.***