Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Catholic Confession - Who Knew it Could Be Funny?

Oldest had her first Catholic Confession on Saturday.  In Catholicism, this is called First Reconciliation and it is a BIG DEAL.  Without it, she would not be able to participate in her First Communion this Spring, which is also a BIG DEAL. 

The process leading up to her First Confession has also resulted in Missy getting a NEW, IMPROVED, NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN-LEVEL of Most Embarassing Moment to boast. 

I have many embarassing moments.  I'm kind of a walking embarassment - I'm clumsy, a little (lot) messy, I'm often in a "thought fog" and walk into things.  So I have a pretty good catalog of embarassments to choose from.  Youngest gave me a good one a few months ago as well, when she pulled her pants down in Panera to show the table next to us her new underpants.  No, we didn't know them.  Yes, they thought it was funny.

But, this.  THIS! 

For the month or so leading up to Confession, her Religious Education class (hereinafter Sunday School - I find the moniker Religious Education to be a bit . . . of a mouthful) religiously studied the 10 Commandments.  They worked through 2 a week, having discussions, interpreting them in their own words, etc. 

One morning, I flipped through Oldest's Activity Book and arrived at the Interpretation page.  Next to Commandment 6's interpretation was a squiggly face.  Not a happy face - a squiggly face.   

@   @

Here's the text that prompted the squiggly face:

Commandment 6:  Don't do what parents do.

I had to ask her what the 6th Commandment was - I assumed it was "Do Not Take the Lord's Name in Vain," as I've been known to "slip" on occasion (ok, daily, if all cuss words count). 

To get in Oldest's head a bit, I said, "Hey Oldest, what's the 6th Commandment?"

Oldest:  "Do Not Commit Adultery."

OMG. OMG.  OMG!!!!!  Stay calm.  Stay calm.  STAY CALM!!!!!!!!!! 

Me:  Honey, what does that Commandment mean?

Oldest (shrugs):  I have no idea.

Me:  Then why did you write "don't do what parents do?"

Oldest:  Well, if you're not supposed to commit adultery, which has the word adult in it, most parents are adults, so I just figure it's something parents do.

Okay.  Phew.  Kind of.  Classic gifted logic leap, but still innocent. 

But Holy Mary Mother of God!  What am I supposed to do about the squiggly face?  Does the Teaching Assistant think Oldest knows what Adultery is and is basically telling her Activity Book that her parents have committed it? 

How to handle?  How to handle?  How to handle? 

The teacher is a good friend's sister and they both know Oldest fairly well.  So because of my mortification over approaching the teacher to say . . .what?  I'm not even sure, but something along the lines of, "just so you know Oldest doesn't really know what adultery is and even if she did we've never committed it but she just extricated adult out of the word adultery and applied it to parents because she pictures parents as adults ha ha isn't that so funny can we forget this ever happened?" 

Instead of THAT, I went to my friend and said, "OMG, listen to what happened.  Can you Puh-Lease tell your sister we are not adulterers?"

Who, of course, thought it was the funniest dang thing she'd ever heard, told her sister over the holidays and everyone had a great laugh. 

The End. 

The Moral to this story:  Kid's minds are oceans -  deep, mysterious and you never quite know what's going to wash ashore. 

Oh, for the Catholics out there - how did Oldest do?  She came out of the confessional, clenched her fists together, and said, "YESSSS," while walking back to her seat.  Guess it went pretty well. 
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