No Time = Less Commenting

Why is blogging about being too busy to blog a cliche?  That's always bothered me.  When someone says, "I'd write a post about how busy I am and how I have no time to nurture my blog, but that's such a cliche, so I'm not going to do that."

Well, didn't you just?

And really, if you really are busy, isn't it good manners to share with your readers that you still care about them and that you miss them and that you really do wish you could spend as much time as you did this winter checking out all of your favorite posts AND commenting on them?

Well, I think it's good manners to share this.  I don't think it's a cliche.  So that's what I'm sharing.  I miss you cyber friends of mine.  I miss pouring over my comments and commenting back to people.  I miss discovering new blogs through the memes I like.  I.  Miss.  You.

So please keep the comments coming.  If you comment on mine, I promise to drop you a line through an email or comment.  I just don't have time right now to sift through my Reader and find your nuggets of brilliance.  But if you leave a nugget on my blog, I'll come see you.

Promise.

A Thankless Thanksgiving? Maybe, Maybe Not

So I thought of this great post in church the other morning.  I actually sent Husband outside with the kiddies so I could write some notes after Mass.  With Youngest screaming "but I wanna be wif mommeeee" the whole way out.  For being the most independent little cuss I've ever seen, that kid sure does "wanna be wif mommeeeee" quite a bit.  And I love it, most of the time. 

But not when I'm takin' notes, people!

I need to thank Parenting, the School Years for helping bring this post to fruition.  I'd been wondering how to write it without seeming ultra-ungrateful for my life, here on Thanksgiving Day of all times, and one little sentence in one little article did it for me.  Phew.  Conscience cleared.  Here.  We.  Go.

Missy's Dilemma.

I get frustrated with these holidays - the "most wonderful time of the year."  It's stressful.  I want to savor the real reasons for the holidays.  I've gained that desire as I've had children and look at all of the commercialism and JUNK our children are exposed to, no, targeted, by companies trying to sell "them" on things (when it's actually make them rabid about needing something so that Mom and Dad will waste spend the money on something that's going to last for a day).  And it starts before with Thanksgiving.

I want my children to learn, exhibit, experience, LIVE things like gratitude, gratefulness, graciousness. 

I don't want them acting like the little beasts that children can always be during the holidays sometimes be. 

Guess what my kids want during the holidays?  None of that "stuff" that MOM wants, that's for sure!  First and foremost, they want their normal routine back, thank you very much.  They don't know that, but that is truly what they need - their normal routine that doesn't include a crazy, stressed Mommy trying to do everything, be everything for everyone.  They want to not be dragged around on holiday shopping errands.  They're kids, they're not meant for that kind of activity. 

At Thanksgiving, they don't want YUCKO stuffing, sweet potatoes, cranberries.  They want PB & J and are virtually sickened by the options given to them on this most EAT-FULL of all holidays .  Are all kids this way or just mine?  I certainly remember not "liking" Thanksgiving food until high school at least.  I do remember loving the hustle and bustle of watching my Mom prepare the house and do the cooking, making everything "just so."  But I do understand the fact that my kids aren't interested in the food (their "selective eating" is something I take full responsibility for, BTW, something I will discuss in a Super Sunday Series Post sometime soon).

But let's get to what they think they want, not just what Mommy knows they need.  What do they THINK they want?  Treats!  No school!  Goodies!  Presents!  Catalogs in the mail!  Sugar!  Toys!  No naps!  PRESENTS!  Have I missed anything here?  Let me know if I have. 

So not only do we have this change in the routine (and all kids need routine consistency, but gifted kids REALLY need routine consistency - REALLY, REALLY need it - at least mine do), but we have this terrible dichotomy that gets created between ME and THEM.  I want to give thanks for our many blessings and celebrate this entire holiday season in a reflective way that says "we are so blessed."

And they turn into seemingly thankless creatures who get pulled into the vortex of "all things goody" instead of "all things good." 

I get embarassed by reactions to presents and overwrought kids because they just can't handle all of the new, heightened activities and expectations.   It makes me M-A-D at them for acting like, well, children.  And I get mad at myself for getting mad at them!  It makes me feel like a failure as a mother for not being able to instill gratitude and unselfishness in my children.

Enter Parenting the School Years December Issue with one little ol' article titled "Raising Grateful Kids."

Missy's Solution. 

Here is the quote, thank you SO much Patty Onderko, for this article:

Vicki Hoefle, director of Parenting on Track, a parent-education program based in East Middlebury, VT (and the mother of five teenagers), concurs:  "As nice as it is to think about having a five-year-old who appreciates and shows gratitude for everything, the truth is, parents can feel successful if they raise a thirty-five year old who embodies that grateful spirit."

You know, it seems so simple, when you read that sentence.  Every positive step we take right now, no matter how unheard it may seem, has an impact on their future, their adulthood. 

I am so thankful for this quote coming at just the right time of year for me.  Yesterday the kids were, off and on, thankless, bickering . . . children.  And their inability to shift expectations with the looming holiday season made me feel  . . . frustrated. 

But instilling values in our children, it's a parent's life work, and it can be an incremental 2 steps forward, 1 step backward process.  It doesn't happen because we snap our fingers and want it to happen.  Delayed gratification doesn't work that way.

We all love our children so much.  The trick, the challenge, is loving them enough to make the tough choices throughout their lives to help them be better kids, and more importantly, better adults. 

As far as OUR holiday rituals - we give them presents, we always do!  But we will also focus on the things better than presents - family, quality time, charity, gift giving. 

Tune in Saturday.  I'll share MY letter to Santa this year.  We all want a little sumthin' in this life, right?  Not just the kiddies.  :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Days are Blurring Together

I'm feeling more than a little overwhelmed by this week and next week's schedule. This week, along with back to school preparations, also includes a major Board meeting to attend and facilitate part of and a major concert to attend 2.5 hours away! Yes, we brought that one on ourselves, but it's Our Lady Peace - not much choice there. Plus, treating ourselves to some ME/US time certainly needs to be kept on the docket. Next week is OFFICIAL BACK TO SCHOOL WEEK. Tuesday for Oldest, Wednesday for Youngest. Monday will be our Annual Back to School Ice Cream Sundae Party, Thursday is Youngest's birthday which will include a birthday concert of the WIGGLES! Love 'em! The weekend is all day golf tourney both days for Husband. Suffice it to say, not a lot of BREATHE time and not a lot of time to practice patience. And I certainly forgot to do that today. Oldest was acting so ungrateful for her many blessings in life today that (after I blew my top for about 20 minutes) I actually grounded her for the final week of summer! I couldn't believe myself, but I also couldn't believe her! Today's privileges that were taken for granted were:

1. Art Class ($100 for the week)
2. Birthday Party attendance
3. Being allowed to do 30 minutes of computer before cleaning her room
4. Playing in her room before cleaning it
5. Getting some rare help cleaning her room

How she took these gifts for granted?

1. Complained about making sure she got her "prizes" at the birthday party
2. Saying "You always get more time than me on the computer, I never get enough" after 30 minutes of computer time.
3. Complained about wanting me to buy her TOKENS from a certain website so that she could buy VIRTUAL JUNK for the characters on the website. Seriously? Websites make money off of that?
4. While I was helping her clean her room, I pointed out a board game that was still open with all of the pieces and parts out for her to put away next. Her response? "Why do I ALWAYS have to be the one cleaning up my room?"

Even writing this now is ticking me off. Anyway, I take Youngest and tell Oldest that she isn't to leave her room until the floor is entirely clear and walk out. Only to go downstairs and fume even more because that's SO RUDE! I was HELPING HER and that is how she THANKS ME? Long story short, these are the things she got grounded from for her ungrateful behavior:

1. No TV - 2 full days
2. No Dessert - 2 full days (neither of these are directly related, I was just pissed enough that I wanted to send a stong message, if #s 3 and 4 aren't enough)
3. No Computer - until school starts - which is 7 days from now
4. Clean up room daily, rather than twice weekly until school starts

I'm a little more proud of myself for 3 and 4 because I try to pick things that are naturally related to the offense. So shitty attitude about computer use (or lack thereof) and being ungrateful for help while you're getting it means you are going to spend a week realizing it is quite a privilege to get to do daily computer time and you might want to be a little more thankful when Mommy takes pity on you and offers to help you clean your room.
My extreme reaction (not the grounding, but the ranting that I did before I calmed down enough to JUST ADMINISTER THE DISCIPLINE) is what makes me sad about summer ending. We have had such a great summer, truly awesome. Can't say enough about it. And I don't want to spend this week:

1. Wishing it were OVER ALREADY. I love my kids. I am going to miss them when they go back.
2. Being mad at them for being kids because my choices have made me too busy to sit down and breathe with them in these final days.
3. Having a 7 year old grounded from TV and computer! Those were going to help me glide my way through these busy days while waiting for school to start!

But I'll tell ya, and I tell myself this EVERY TIME I do it, kids (at least mine) are happier without the distraction of their desire for TV. They are more creative, innovative and self-motivating. My Youngest won't watch it at all, yet, so it's mainly Oldest I'm talking about. When I take TV and computer from her, I think she is happier. And I'm happier, because once I get over the "NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH HER?" feeling, she entertains herself wonderfully. And I think (and usually say to my Husband) "we should really get rid of that thing (meaning TV b/c WHO is getting rid of their computer these days?)."
And for a couple of days, I really, really debate just giving them all away. Then the gounding ends and I say "Thank goodness TV is back." Until the next time when I can think about really getting rid of them a little more. :)