Teaching Children Appropriate Gas Passing is Like . . .

Herding cats.

At what age do you start putting the smack down on kids for belching or passing wind any and every time the need arises?  Loudly.  And falling into fits of laughter with each other over their abilities?  In public?

I'm starting with Oldest because, frankly, her belching is becoming quite unladylike.  Picture this 8 year old girl, opening her mouth and letting rip with a "BRAWRP" that is so manly, for a minute I think Husband's at home (this being April 14th, however, we haven't seen him in days - LOVE tax day week).

Actually, that picture looks like her face right after she's done it, which usually consists of this:

"Oldest!  PLEASE!  We're in public!"
"What?  I can't help it?  Besides it's funny."
"Lots of inappropriate things are funny.  Doesn't mean you should do them in public."

Hit rewind, then play multiple times and you have our conversation every single time it happens.  Combine that with the "pull my finger" fun she picked up in Florida and I have a regular 8 year old on my hands, I'm sure.

So Wednesday evening at dinner (Chipotle), Youngest kept spilling EVERYTHING, and Oldest kept burping - loudly.  Even the din of Chipotle wasn't dimming the noise.  So I picked that moment to snap.

"Oldest, this isn't what ladies do."

"I'm not a lady."

"You are a young lady, it's disgusting and it's got to stop."

"Mom, first of all - I'm half boy/half girl.  Second, I can't help it.  They come out so fast, I just can't stop them."

"Well, I can tell by the way you're pushing them out that you're doing it on purpose.  Try to do it with your mouth closed, then push that air out, but not the sound.  Besides, you are all girl, period.  No boy in you."

"What happens if I stop doing it totally?  And I am half boy, you know."

"You'll explode.  No, honey, I'm quite certain that you are 100% girl.  If you want to call yourself a tomboy, that's one thing."

"What do you mean, I'll explode?  Get mad, like you did just now when you said (whispered) 'Shit' when Youngest spilled her black beans everywhere?  Daddy says that when he's driving, you know.  And I really don't want to see this whole family starting to talk like that, Mommy."

"Ok, got it.  I will not say that word anymore when Youngest spills an entire cup of black beans onto a mesh chair, then smooshes them in while I'm trying to clean them up.  And your whole body would explode if you stopped passing gas, that's why it's important to do it, just not the way you have been."


A few minutes later:
"WOW!  I just burped with my mouth closed, Mom, and it totally worked!  Does this mean I can never burp again the 'fun way?'"

"Great honey!  And you can still burp the fun way at home, but there are certain things we just don't do in public, around PEOPLE.  Have you ever heard Mommy do these things in public?"

"No."

Feeling proud of myself, we finish dinner and head to the car.  When we get in and close the door:

"Youngest, quick!  Pull my finger!"

"Oh, OK Oldest.  That's fun.  That's so fun when I pull your finger."

Happiness and March - It's all about the Kids

Have you started your own happiness project?  Have you read Gretchen Rubin's book?  It's never too late to start.  Head over to her blog and read all about it.  

This month is "Kid Month." Spring is coming, Winter is ending (HOPEFULLY), Spring Break is a few short weeks away.  And March is Oldest's birthday month.  March is a month that changed my life forever with her screaming smiling arrival.  As I'm sure you'll get tired of seeing see this month, I get quite nostalgic about how she changed our lives that March.  

So that makes it the perfect month to focus on my children.  Appreciate them more.  Love them more openly. Yell less never.  Read some parenting books.  

My resolutions for March:

1. NO YELLING.  Seriously, talk about one of my greatest sources of unhappiness - yelling at the kids.  And it's so reactive, so knee-jerk.  I hate that I do it.  I feel terrible after I've done it.  And even though I'm afraid my head might explode this month keeping from it, I'm NOT YELLING.  I have a game plan - counting, leaving the room, finding my happy place. 
2. Read two books - Siblings Without Rivalry and Best Friends, Worst Enemies.  
3. Finish our family mission statement.
4. Have family meetings on Sundays and a family night one weekend night.
5. Polite night at Sunday dinner.  Like over-the-top polite to make it more fun.
6. Buy scrapbooking software.  I have to face facts that I'm not going to do it by hand  - I'm about 4 years behind.  Online photo albums from here forward - anyone have advice on getting hard copy pictures, awards, etc memorialized?
7. Listen.  Reframe.  Believe their feelings.  I borrowed this one from Gretchen.  And if I remember correctly, this is from the same authors of Siblings without Rivalry - Faber and Mazlish.  It's so easy to brush aside the very real feelings of a child, but my relationship with them will be much better if I can truly listen and believe the feelings behind the words.  
8. Virtually TV free for the whole month (yes, this is our Lent promise, but I think it dovetails nicely into a month of focus for the kids, don't you?).  By virtually, I mean they get one show a day - between them.

So there you have it.  Any thoughts?  Tips?  Does anyone out there succeed at not yelling at their kids ever?  If so, what's your secret?  Will it count if I call it "talking emphatically" like my mom used to say?  

Me:  Stop yelling at me!

My Mom:  I'm NOT yelling, I'm talking EMPHATICALLY.  

Me:  Oh.  There's a difference?  (That one was in my head - BUT I knew when to shut it - something Oldest hasn't grasped yet - hence the need for Resolution #1).

Next week on My Happiness Project?  February's tally.  

TV - crack for kids?

I've talked before about my love/hate relationship over TV.  I love it b/c it distracts the kiddos and lets me do STUFF.  I hate it because it turns them into bickering little meanies (practicing nice words).

"Get out of my way!"
"No!"
"I can't see!"
"Stop touching me!"
"MOOOOOOOMMMMMM!"

It makes me wish I'd never turned it on, all the while that I'm praying they stop bickering and start watching so I can do STUFF!

Like an alcoholic who curses the drink, while drinking . . .

Like an overweight person who bemoans inability to lose weight, over dessert . . . 

I've been reading for years that the American Academy of Pediatrics says children should watch no more than 2 hours per day.

My book club book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families says the real average is around 7 hours a day.  How can that be possible?

We probably do 1-2 during weekdays and 2-3 hours on weekends.  It's become problematic, though, because they want to watch different things, but also end up watching each other's stuff too.  

Today, we're doing something about this love/hate relationship of ours.  Lord.  Help.  Us.

We, as a family, have decided to have a "virtually TV free" Lent from today until Easter.

What do I mean by "virtually TV free?"  This is Husband's idea (the cradle Catholic of the two of us).  Give TV up completely but for a few, small exceptions:

Me - Lost and my 20 minutes of treadmill time
Husband - Lost and March Madness (which is the real reason he suggested this alternative)
Girls - One show per day, trading off who gets to pick each day

Hold me.  I'm scared.  Whatever are we going to do with ourselves?

I've been slaving over my DVR for 3 days, trying to watch all my backlogged shows to make room for what's going to accumulate (and likely need to be deleted, sadly).

I'm not going to get to watch the Bachelor finale (who IS pregnant, anyway?), no Survivor Heroes vs.Villains for me.  No Grey's, no Desperate Housewives or Brothers and Sisters.  No CSI or CSI: NY.  No Criminal Minds or The Mentalist.

OMG.  What have I done???  It would have been so, so, so much better to give up alcohol or dessert, like I suggested.  But we made this decision a family decision and now I must reap the "rewards."  Bet you're going to see a lot more of me here, which might not be a bad thing.  I might even catch up with everything I'm so behind on, which could be a good thing.  We will definitely have more quality family time (which is why Oldest voted for this option), which will be a great thing.

But still.  Lent is 46 days long.  Forty.  Six.  Days.

What about you?  Have you ever done something like this?  How did it work out?

When Mommy Takes the Paci - What Happens to the Toddler?

To add to the fun and games around here (you know - sick kids, snow, snow, snow days and snow), I've decided that this weekend is The Official Goodbye to Pacifier Weekend - TOGPaW for short.

For one, it's TIME.  Actually quite overdue.

Two, it's a 3-day weekend, where we have enough planned to keep Youngest busy, but no sitter after Friday night.

Three, I.  Can't.  Take.  It.  Anymore.  The night-time replacement, that is.  I can go to bed early per My Happiness Project all I want - I'll never feel rested if I'm Chief Paci Replacer every.  Stinking.  Night.

Four, courtesy of my favorite girl EVER, California Girl, I have a PLAN.  And Missy do like PLANS.

So here's the P-L-A-N:

Friday - make the announcement.  "Attention, Youngest.  Tomorrow's nap is your last time with Beloved Paci.  After that, your paci-blankie will henceforth be known as your blankie.  Sans paci.  I am glad you have loved it as you have.  I am thankful it helped us both survive your first year as pleasantly as we did.  I appreciate that you only use it when upstairs.  However, enjoy today's nap, tonight's bed and tomorrow's nap, sister.   Because we're chucking it."

Saturday - the Great Pacifier Elimination.  With great fanfare, we will throw them away post-nap.  I might be shedding some tears with Youngest, truthfully.  That night, family members are coming over for dinner.  Keep a little girl from dwelling over the inevitable bedtime.

Saturday PM - sleepover.  Oldest in Youngest's room.  As Oldest told me, "so I get to be her paci that night, right?"  Right.

Sunday - cupcakes for breakfast, because for heaven's sake, the night might suck.  Thanks to California Girl, this seems a fitting way to celebrate her first night without it.  Plus it's Valentine's Day.  Plus we will have them from the night before and why NOT combine frugality with TOGPaW.

Sunday night - Oldest gets to do sleepover again.  It's called CYA.

Monday - will it all be over?  Good Lord, I hope so!

So give me the goods people - is it going to be the worst weekend EVER?  Minor discomfort?  Piece of cup cake due to all of the hoopla surrounding it?  Tell me, tell me, tell me.  Oldest didn't use one (I TRIED) so I am a Pacifier Elimination Virgin.

And I'm a little terrified nervous.  I did hear a story about someone tying her child's pacifier to a balloon on her 2nd birthday as her way to say goodbye to it.  At her party.  Word has it this did not go well.

They Shared a Room and . . .

Our girls shared a room on vacation.  They loved it.  LOVED it.  We loved it.  After the first 24 hours of giggling together until 10pm then waltzing into our bedroom at 7am, that is.  I had some, um, what do we call it?  Oh, terror.  Over the entire Vacay being sleep deprived, and you know I'm obsessed with sleep.

Alas, after that night they would merely giggle themselves to sleep.  Youngest would wake up in the middle of the night and instead of calling me, she would wake up Oldest to ask her a question, then they would go right back to sleep.  In the morning, I would hear them wake each other up, start talking and sometimes stay in there for 45 minutes before coming out.  YES!  I said 45 minutes of extra sleep time for MaMa and PaPa.  Ohhhhhhh, delicious.

One morning, they were in there so long after I knew they were awake talking, and I'm like, "What in Sam Hill is going on in there?"  And rather than screaming that down the hall (with a shotgun on my hip), I tiptoed down to see what I could peep and find out.  Youngest was in bed with Oldest, they were wrapped in each other's arms, sound asleep.  I found out later that Oldest got her out of her crib, per her request, and told her it was too early to get up yet, but that she would cuddle her for a little bit just like with Mommy.  Then they fell back asleep.

Swoon.

I've also long held the suspicion that one of the "American Dreams" of  Each Child Having Their Own Bedroom doesn't necessarily make everyone happier.  And while in Florida, I witnessed first-hand how much MORE my children bonded through their room sharing, rather than having their own "space."  Their conflicts were less often, Oldest helped Youngest much more readily than at home, Youngest "went" to Oldest for all kinds of things, rather than rely on Mommy.

Kinda makes me wonder about a few issues, really, but I must save them for another day.  What do you think?  I would love to hear. 

Because I simply can't resist it, I'm sharing some vacation pics below.  I tried to be thoughtful and put the blog first, and gratuitous pics second.  Feel free to disregard if you have no interest. 

See you tomorrow!  :)

Youngest received the best gift EVER from Santa - her own camera.  So she can stop breaking Mommy's.

Oldest posing with Santa ONE MORE TIME!  That girl would take 5 encores with him if she could.  I love, love, love her enthusiasm for him.  For magic.  Maybe she's going to marry an older man.

At the airport, before boarding.  They weren't excited.  Too bad another family decided ours was having so much fun they let their toddler climb all over our stuff and our children, eventually spilling our special airport chocolate milk all over me and the floor.  But that's OK.  We were happy to babysit for a little while.  That's what airports are for, right?

Yes!  They do have parents!  Our obligatory once quarterly family shot to prove they aren't raising themselves.  I think my dad, cameraman extraordinaire, didn't realize how tall Husband really is.  ;)

Youngest doing her prom date pose with HER future Older man, Old Salt.  No lie, this is one of maybe 10 pics of her acting like this with the guy.  And she would have done more if we let her.  L-O-V-E.

It's a Party in the USA! 

Much love with the M and M guy at the Tampa airport pre-flight.  Much.  Love.  Like get out the anti-bac body wash kind of love.

And finally, much love to YOU, readers, for following and being interested in our corner of the world.  I didn't realize how much blogging would lead to caring about people you've never met! 

The Real Christmas Spirit

I've bellyached off and on this holiday season (more on than off, I suspect) about ungrateful children, too much to do and not enough time to appreciate the season for its true meaning. 

Last week, I saw a microcosm of the true Christmas spirit in my children.  You know, the ones who have been struggling (I'm practicing my nice words) with each other over, well, anything they can think of?   

Oldest spent the entire month learning Christmas songs on piano for one reason and one reason only.  To play them for her sister's class full of 2 and 3 year olds.  She was only there for 5 minutes, but it was 5 minutes of love and sharing that made this mommy a little weepy over their bond.

  Here are the pictures. 

The next day, of her own volition, Oldest decorated several cards to take to our local retirement community.  She visited there last year with her Brownie Troop (which didn't continue this year) and wanted to bring the residents some happiness. 

Two days in a row, I was blown away by Oldest's giving spirit. 

Then they got back to the basics in the car - arguing over who was talking during songs and who got to pick up Lilly first when we got home.  You'd never think these two were 5 years apart (and one of them 2, for goodness' sake!) with some of the verbal sparring they can muster.   But they are siblings, after all.  ;) 

So I'll take my victories where I can.

Un-Happy Hour

Does anyone else have a terrible time with your kids between 4 and 6pm?  I know for infants this time is the witching hour, but I'm finding it's lasted past infancy and into the twos (and apparently, sevens) in our house. 

Here is the scene.  Oldest gets picked up at 3:30 from school.  She's tired, she needs to wind down, chill out, veg on the couch a little bit.  She needs to destress.  Conversely, Youngest has just woken up from her afternoon nap and she is ready to go, with a capital G-O.  The dichotomy between these two needs is, well, distressing for all of us.

But it's not just the "one's tired and one's not" issue, I'm beginning to suspect.  I'd planned pretty well to get around that.  Letting Oldest watch a show, while I take Youngest in the back yard to burn it off, things like that.  Here's what I think it is:

Oldest has been away from Mommy all day and needs me back.  She needs to feel like she is my focus, that I want to hear about her day.  And I want that too.  I've missed her.  I want to know what happened at school.  We also need to do piano practice, though I try not to do it right after school because it usually has disastrous consequences.  Like yesterday, which resulted in them both having two sets of time outs, EACH.  But I won't bore you with those details today.  I'm SO over it.

And Youngest should be fine with this need of Oldest, right?  She should understand that she has had Mommy all to herself for 5 whole hours (nap's in there for 2 hours) and now it's "Oldest time" - kinda like Miller time. 

Are you all laughing yet?  She's TWO, of COURSE she doesn't understand that!  The personalized time with Mommy means she wants more, and in her "it's all about me" stage of development (which, let's just be honest here - some people never "grow" past that stage), the more Mommy time she gets, the more she thinks she's entitled to have.   I SO want to put it's like a crack addiction, but I can't, JUST CAN'T, compare my two year old's need for Mommy to a crack addiction (unless I just did?). 

So they fight with each other.  LITERALLY, every time I leave the room, Oldest is screaming at Youngest and Youngest is either taking something from Oldest or hauling off and smacking her.  I'm all about siblings solving their own differences, but I can't tolerate the hitting and I can't tolerate the bellowing.  NO ONE (except Mommy, when she's had ENOUGH) is allowed to bellow in THIS house.

So now that I've deciphered the WHY, let's move on to the HOW TO FIX.  Because it's driving me crazy.  Tips, tricks, HELP out there?????  What do you do?  How do you help your kids not make you nutty during Un-Happy Hour? 

Maybe that IS why cocktail hour was invented.  It had nothing to do with work, it had everything to do with parenting.  ;)