Super Sunday Series - Developing Close Friends

Welcome back to the Super Sunday Series - where I speak to all topics gifted and how they relate to your child's well-being.  Please click on the tab above if you want to discover more about the Series and its topics.

This week we continue our exploration of Friendship, which has grown exponentially since it began in the middle of January.  Today is week 4 - Developing Close Friendships.  Week 1 gave you resources to help, week 2 talked about where to find friends and week 3 talked about making friends.

Developing Close Friendships.


Now that you've learned how to help your child make friends at all, let's dig a little deeper into making close friendships.  The book The Survival Guide for Parents of Gifted Kids observes that "no matter how hard they try, some . . . kids are always going to have a tough time fitting into certain social groups.  For them, the trick is to find groups they can fit into, or to find one or two close friends . . . who understand and accept them."  pg.69.

And this notion, finding one or two close friends, is what today's post is all about.  Good Friends are Hard to Find points out that one of the best ways to develop close friendships is through playdates.

I like to host first playdates at our house, by the way.  That way I can keep tabs on Oldest and how things are faring, especially in relation to Frankel's Rules of a Good Host.  These rules are similar to the Good Sport Rules, with slight variations.  Most importantly, the guest is always right (unless the guest physically hurts your child or is not obeying rules).  Other important Rules include suggesting a change in activity when bored, not being critical of the guest and being loyal to the guest.  pp. 103-115.

Frankel gives suggestions about how to help facilitate these rules, such as immediate enforcement after a violation with escalating consequences for inability to comply (in order- a reminder, followed by a warning, followed by a short time out).  pp 103-115.

We had a girl over last summer for a play date.  I could hear all kinds of inappropriate language going on down the hall, so I called Oldest in to give her a reminder.  The problem was that the other girl came in with her, so I couldn't call her out in front of her friend like that.  Especially not with this girl.  Truthfully though, just breaking up the bad word marathon by calling her in for a moment helped.  Then we talked about it after the playdate.

In various playdates we've had, I've seen all of Frankel's rules violated in some way or another.  And it's true, if the Good Host Rules are not being followed, then someone's unhappy.  I'll share examples from both sides - Oldest as rule breaker and Oldest on the receiving end of someone else breaking it.

A neighborhood girl invited Oldest over late last summer.  When Oldest arrived, another little girl was there as well.  They ended up rushing off on their scooters, with Oldest trying to run to keep up with them (at dusk).  Oldest couldn't keep up and eventually got stranded on a corner, not knowing what to do or where to go.  Terrified, she went back to the girl's house, and sat with her parents until I walked down to pick her up (having no idea this was happening).  The parents said nothing about where their daughter was and why Oldest was just sitting with them by herself.  It was a clear violation of Frankel's Disloyalty Rule.  I, obviously, was mortified but talking through Oldest's fears about being left behind and getting stuck on a corner were paramount to my shock over how I felt the situation was handled.  We don't do much with them anymore - even though Oldest asks often.

Oldest herself violated the cardinal rule of  Being a Good Host a couple of weeks ago.  We had a little girl over to play and from the sounds in her room, things seemed to be going swimmingly.  The mother stayed to visit, Youngest was providing the comic entertainment for us, and That Puppy Lilly was sniffing around having accidents in the living room, so I wasn't able to head upstairs to listen in.  As they were coming down the steps, I said, "Did you two have a good time?"  The girl didn't answer, but Oldest said, "we had a great time.  Friend wanted to switch to American Girl dolls, but I just kept telling her, 'every time you ask, I'll make you wait longer to switch.'  Just like you say, right Mommy?"  Scrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeech.  Oops.  Don't ever question whether your kids are internalizing the things you say to them every day, by the way.  So this was a great example of Oldest violating the Guest is Always Right rule.  I have high hopes for the next time, though.  We talked a lot about the importance of it after Friend left (as in "if you want friends, you can't treat them like you are their mother" type of talk).

This is where we are in Oldest's life - at the need to develop close friendships.  And we're working on it - slowly, slowly.

And finally, always provide a snack!  I usually do one midway through or if the kids have hit a lull they can't get out of.  Or if it's a playdate right after school - I do the snack right away.

Next week, I want to talk a little about "when friendship goes bad,"  in the form of bullying.  Then I plan to leave the subject for now, unless YOU have something more that hasn't been covered.

My question for you this week:  are you good at doing playdates for your kid(s)?  Do you find it deepens their friendships?  

See you tomorrow for Happiness Monday!  Or this week (un)Happiness Monday . . . stay tuned.

6 word Saturday

Must do 2 six words again this week!  And party with Cate and Show my Face - so much creativity on Saturdays over there.


Winter Storms make for Icy Puppy


Snow just made busy weekend un-busy

Dear So and So - today's the day!

It's Dear So and So day!  Check out the rest at Kat's blog - 3 bedroom bungalow.

Dear Monday -

Momma always told me there'd be days like this.

Signed,
It's ok, tomorrow will be better

Dear Tuesday -

Momma always told me there'd be days like this.

Signed,
Two days in a row are pretty bad, tomorrow MUST be better

Dear Wednesday

Momma always told me there'd be days like this.  Days where, right out of the box, everything goes wrong.  Days where Youngest, finally recovered from her mystery illness (which included an xray to rule out pneumonia), is now hell on wheels because she's been waited on hand and foot like royalty for 6 days and wants the special treatment back, thank you very much.

Days where Oldest just HAS to get out the bedroom door first and plows Youngest over in the process, knocking her headfirst into the wall, only to berate herself for an hour about what a miserable person she is.  Where's the fun in that?  Not only do I not get to berate her carelessness myself, but I'm supposed to feel sorry for her because she's so remorseful?

Days where I waste my more-valuable-than-usual time (because I lost so GD much of it from the heretofore mentioned illness last week) waiting for a meeting for 45 minutes, thereby reducing my ability to meet to 15 minutes, since I could only stay until 11.

Days where that Puppy Lilly pi**es on the living room rug right in front of me after I took her out not 20 minutes before.  Days where Youngest naps for 45 minutes, instead of 2 hours (those two hours being all I have to get anything done).

Signed,
Needing a spa day doesn't even begin to cover it

Dear week -

Obviously something is going on atmospherically this week.

Signed,
Maybe I'M the one living Groundhog Day over and over and over until I get it right.

Dear Debbie Downer -

Get the HELL out of our house.  You are no longer welcome.  As I say to my children when everything goes wrong too long, "today is going to be a good day, DAMMIT."

Signed,
Sometimes bad words are well placed motivators in the game of life

Dear Trendy Treehouse ,-
You're doing a blog hop too?  Can't wait to hop around and check everyone out this week.

Signed,
It's the little things that count

Dear Follow Friday - 


You're baaaaaacccccck.  One 2 Try, Midday Escapades and Hearts Make Families are worth a look today!

Signed,
Followers on a Friday = pick me up from a tough week







Dear Weekend - 

You WILL be better than this week.  Understand?

Signed,
Proactive, not reactive is back in the house

Who Received the Sunshine Award?

You can STILL be the 100th follower and get your button on my sidebar for the month.  Hurry and do it today, before tomorrow's marathon Friday Follow!  As a matter of fact, some people on this very list today could be the lucky month long winners.  Go for it!

Michelle at Flying Giggles and Lollipops gave me this award a few days ago!  So nice!  Thank you.  Check out Michelle's lovely blog so see why getting this award from her is such a nice compliment!

In the tradition of this award, here are the rules I must oblige by in order to pass it on:

- Put the logo on your blog or within your post.  Check.
- Pass the award onto 12 bloggers.  Check.
- Link the nominees within your post.  Check.
- Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.  Check.
- Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award.  Check.


My 12 nominees of the Sunshine award are:


Jen - Laughing at Chaos - she needs a little sunshine and has been a follower and supporter from the beginning
Becca - Becca's Backyard - Becca told this girl about Friday Follow - thank you
Gayle at Gramme's Blog - she is so nice!  If my parents did a blog, this would be them
Diane at Created by Diane - suh-weet is an understatement on this blog
Sonia at Adventures of Sonia - my sorority sister
Alix at Casa Hice - because I love her
Cate at Show my Face - because I love her 6 word Saturday
Kat at 3 bedroom bungalow to let in crazytown - because I love her Dear So and So
Hal at Weblog Redux - because his dry wit is hilarious and he gives great advice
Autumn at Living Out Loud - because she's a great commenter 
 The Professional Family Manager - because I'm a sucker for anyone who promotes the JOB aspect of parenting and running a home.  
Kiesha at Highly Favored - because we just discovered each other
Miss Angie at My So Called Chaos - she gives great comments and is a relatively new blogger like me!


Wow.  Doing this - the backlinking and commenting?  Took a loooooonnnnnnng time.  Enjoy these blogs - they are worth the gander!  Plus, some of the people I thought about already had this award.  If you have it already (or if I know you do) then I didn't give it to you again.  


Spreadin' the love . . . 

A Monster in the House!

A blogging monster, that is.

I recently learned a follower created a blogspot blog for her daughter.  I thought to myself,

"Self, THIS might be exactly what Oldest needs.  A place to emote, a place for she and I to comment back and forth to each other, a place that is all hers."  Self said, "Yes!  Do it!"

Saturday we created a blog for Oldest.  And all I can say is "Yikes.  She has heard the siren's song of blogging."

Recent statements:
"[Insert any subject] sounds like something I want to blog about."
"Daddy, did you know I'm a blogger now?"  (Dad was none-too-pleased until he learned we've restricted access on it)
"When can I blog today?"
"When can I blog today?"
"When can I blog today?"
"You're blogging right now, why can't I?"

It's like crack.  Good crack (is there any?), but crack nonetheless.

And she's witty!  I like reading what she writes - when I can get past the apostrophes on every plural word.  Here's a sample:


i am totally in love with animal's. alvin and the chipmunk's live in my room(maybe). i also take gymnastic's and piano lesson's. i have really long blond hair. when i grow up i want to be an artist or an auther. i can only remember thing's of the past. i am addicted to computer, so that's why i made a blog! i love lady gaga because my sister used to call me gaga and she call's lady gaga lady sister! isn't that silly? oh, and one more thing, (diet) pepsi make's my eye's water!


That's my girl.  I told her someday when she's interviewed on the Today show she can say she started her first blog when she was 7.  


Her response?  "What's the Today Show?" 


Ah, youth.    


And LOST -  Holy Smoke (literally)!  OMG (literally)!   Leave a comment if you're a fan.  I'll know how much to go bananas over it (or not) this season.  Maybe I'll just be jumping up and down in the living room like a kid on Christmas morning and not bringing the love here to Loving My Children's Gifts.

Technical Question Tuesday - How do you Promote?

First, let me say an official WELCOME, FRIENDS to all of the new followers from these past two weeks!  I love getting to know your blogs and I hope you are getting to know mine as well.

Every now and then I do a technical question day, because I am still a newbie to the blogosphere (I will be 6 months old on Sunday), and not only is the learning curve fast and sharp, it also changes quickly.  Sometimes this technically challenged girl needs a little HELP.  Or Helwp, as Youngest would say.

Here is my question for you - how do you promote your blogs?  What works, what doesn't?  There are so many options and not enough time for me to do them all - I'd love to hear from as many of you as possible about your favorite way.

I see Top Mommy Blogs, Panel of Moms, Technorati, Alltop, Digg, Stumble, just to name a few.  And like all of us, I have a certain amount of time I get to spend blogging every day.  When it comes to promoting and "getting it out there," I want to use my time wisely so that I can do what I like to do - work on content and read your delicious blogs.

And what are the rules about me soliciting others to sponsor me, or things like that?  I know that if I try something given to me by a company, I need to disclose, and that giveaways need to be disclosed, but I'm talking about the opposite.  Like - I ask a place to display a button or I ask a place to have me as one of their sponsors - rules to that part?  Or I ask a website to provide a link to my blog?  Rule?  Anyone?  SEC?  Bueller?

And remember all week - if YOU become my 100th follower - you get your button on my blog.  If you're without a blog, your prize will be a post about you!  If you want.  Unless you like privacy.  Which I obviously don't anymore.

Much love.  Can't wait to hear your advice.

Happiness in February is . . .

Order in the House!  I have to say I'm completely dreading it  thrilled to get some order back to certain aspects of our sadly cluttered home.

Gretchen Rubin, in her book and blog The Happiness Project, did her declutter/organization in January as part of her "get energy" month.  The very thought of decluttering and organizing my "stuff" strikes such dread and fear into my heart that I had to get energy in January in order to have the stamina to pull this off for February.

Think I'm kidding?  The last time I decluttered and organized was 3 years ago - same time of year actually.  I had just learned I was pregnant with Youngest and went into full "prepare the house before I get too portly to do anything but eat ice cream and watch my ankles swell" mode.  It was a fun time.  I actually had to hire a personal organizer for help.

This time - I'm going to try it alone.  Except maybe with a little help from places like 1,2,3 Get Organized, Unclutterer, and Take Control Organizing (none of whom have paid me to promote them, sadly).

So here's the February plan if you want to join up.  My resolutions this month (in addition to last month's resolutions - it's a cumulative project, dint'cha know?) are:

1. Clear my closets.  Which is actually the whole house.  The goal is to do this, one hour a day (can you HEAR my panicked little heart a-beating even over the internet?) for the first two weeks of February.
2. Restore, maintain, organize.  The last two weeks of February will be spent "finding a place for everything and everything in its place."  Thump-thump.  Thump-thump.  Thump-thump.
3. Tidy up at night before bed.  I'm not thrilled with this, especially when added to last month's evening resolutions, but I'll give it a go for one month.  
4. Train that puppy of ours.  Yes, this does fit.  If I'm bringing order back to the house, then having a moderately trained animal rather than the currently untrained beast is of paramount importance.  
5. Buy a vacuum cleaner.  Don't even ask.  
6. Make a list of nagging tasks and begin it.  This is one of my favorite ideas of Gretchen's.  All the little things you ignore about your life - put them on a list and start slogging through them.  #1 on my list?  My wedding ring has been un-attached to my engagement ring for 4 years at least.  It drives me crazy, flopping around multiple times a day.  It's just one of those things I can't/won't bring myself to take the time to do.  Until today.
7. Make and post inspiring signs around the house.  Poems I like, things we say as a family, etc.  Oldest is going to help and is so pumped about this. 
8. Start a 1 sentence gratitude journal.  I'm actually going to create another blog to do this.  Just keep it unpublished.

Almost all of these come straight from one of Gretchen's lists.  She came up with some great ones in her year long study and I'm borrowing many this month.  Probably because I can't think straight and come up with my own - that's how much I'm dreading looking forward to this month.  By the way, did you know The Happiness Project will be #1 on the New York Times bestseller list for the week of February 7th?  It really is that good!

#7 and 8 are ways to remind myself to stick with it  - no matter what.  I know we'll all be happier after it's done.  And I'm going to solicit help from Husband, Oldest and even Youngest.  Husband is practically giddy about this month's resolutions.  Seriously.  

As a matter of fact, yesterday was a pretty uninspiring, blechy day around here.  Something about Youngest on her 5th day of fever and all of us having cabin fever.  I decided to jump start the declutter and clean out the upstairs closet.  Drat, I should have taken before and after pictures - totally doing that with the rest.  And guess what?  It felt . . .gooooooooooooooood to do it.  Not nearly as painful as I'd assumed.  

And I can't wait for tomorrow.  Really.  I.  Can't.  Wait.

I am completely open to tips and help.  What you've found works or doesn't in your own organization pasts - Puh-lease help a girl out if you know something I don't.

P.S.  See how close I am to 100 followers?  My offer stands all week - my 100th follower gets your button on my sidebar for the month of February.  If you don't have a blog or a button, let's figure out some other fun way to recognize you for your love!   It IS February after all . . .