Sunday, August 8, 2010

One Year of Blogging = Goodbye

Today is my one year anniversary of creating this blog. 

I've loved it so much.  It's been a great way to remember how much I used to want to be a writer and how much more life experiences I now have to make that happen.  It's been cathartic and helpful.  And it's taken a lot of my time. 

When I told Husband that I was shutting it down after a year, but how sad that made me, he said, "but you knew this would happen, didn't you?  As soon as you took on this huge volunteer role, I knew you would eventually have to give up the blog to devote yourself to it instead." 

I'm glad he knows me so well, because I really did think I could do both.  And I imagine I still could if I wanted to keep limping along with a couple of posts a week with no real in-depth creative discovery like I had going on in the winter.  But I don't want to do it like that.  That makes me feel like a failure and if there's one thing the Happiness Project has taught me is that voluntarily doing things that make you feel like a failure are bound to make you feel unhappy. 

And it's heartbreaking to even write this - I sit here in tears as I type the words.  I will miss writing this blog tremendously.  I will miss the comments from my blogging friends.  I will miss the cathartic, sometimes physical stress release of actually typing the words that help my brain stop feeling so FILLED. 

I've learned so much more about gifted children and education that I didn't know a year ago.  I hope that I've helped some others along the way as well.  But I do feel like I've over-focused on Oldest as a topic, rather than who she is - a growing girl with real emotions.  So I've swept some of the more stark posts about her.  I don't want her ever reading this and thinking I didn't love her with every fiber of my being.  Because I do.  And I don't want Youngest to ever read this and think she grew up in Oldest's shadow.  Because she's not. 

I started this, in part, as a way to struggle through what it means to be a parent.  And I think I can explore that struggle better than I have on here for the last year.  Being a parent has little to do with the kiddos, specifically.  I think it has a lot to do with ME as the parent.  Or YOU, wherever you are as you read this.  Children's antics certainly have influence on who I am as a parent, but my "parent" status has more to do with how I handle it, rather than what they do to cause it.  Make sense?

And I have another concept in mind.  A much, much better concept.  It's something I started developing in February.  It's something I'm not ready to unveil yet, but it will involve a new site, with a way to better reflect my blogging goals.  It's going to involve building my own website (gasp!) and really poplulating it before I hit publish for the first time, rather than how I started this one - totally by accident.  I'm guessing it's going to take about 6 months to do this.  And I will likely be calling on some of you to help me.  Because it's a global mom concept, not just a ME as a Mom concept. 

So, friends, this is not goodbye forever, but it is so long for now.  All of you who I've met through blogging - worry not - I'll still visit and comment to yours!  I love you! 

Stay tuned.
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