Letting Go

I am much more sad than glad about tomorrow right now.  I told Husband this morning about a friend who is a wreck over her 3 year old's first day of school.  Up popped Oldest from the backseat, "Why, Mommy, why would she be so upset?" 

I tried to explain to her that even though school is a really important, wonderful endeavor for children, it's a time of "letting go" for the parents and that's hard.  Of course, I started crying while I was trying to tell her this, lending credence (or craziness) to my impassioned explanation.  I could hardly even finish what I was trying to tell her because I was flashing back to HER first day of school and the pain I felt then of letting her go.

This is one of the hardest parts for me as a parent - the letting go.  Yes, I grouse a lot about the other hard things, the day to day difficulties of sun-up to sunset, but that AIN'T NUTHIN' compared to letting my children go a little bit at a time, to become what God brought them into this world to become, which is SADLY not to just be my little babies forever.  And every year, on this day, no matter how excited I am about school starting to have MY time back, it hits me:  the start of each school year begins the next step toward their independence, toward BECOMING someone who is not just my child.  And that hurts so much - no matter how much I know AND accept that it must happen. 

I know there will come a day when I look back at these years with so much yearning, wishing I could have the time back.  The empty nest years are NOT something I crave.  So for today, as we have our Annual Back to School Ice Cream Sundae Party and pizza making party, I will cherish them, love them, and maybe squeeze them a little too hard, knowing what tomorrow and Wednesday are going to bring - another goodbye.